Me and my mom watching some random movie on TV
mom: Derek, hunny, I need to tell you something
important
me: what
mom: I am in love
me: well, I should hope so, you've been
married for 20 years
mom: no, Derek. I'm in love with someone
else
me: Oh God
mom: WITH FOOD!
me: Mom, you're so stupid
mom: om nom nom *eats popcorn*
me: mom, you sound like 95% of the Witty
population
mom: really? do you think I should go on
there?
me: MOM NO
mom: DONT KEEP ME AWAY FROM MY FOOD-LOVING
SISTERS!
me: mom....please stop
mom: I'm not gonna let the haters keep me
down!
me: I hate my life
mom: *throws handful of popcorn at my face*