xoHAllix3babyy

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 The world seems to be so quiet. So deaf, so blind, so ignorant. I too am those things, I too am alone. There is no one there for me to run to, no one who is willing to listen. These nightmares haunt me, they won’t leave me alone. The walls collapse into me, the childhood I never lived mimics me. Sometimes I wonder what life really is, is it pain and tears? Or does is consist of happiness and joy. I no longer have the desire of wanting to figure out life, because I no longer have a reason to continue to breathe. Every breath hurts, hurts more than anyone can imagine. Time seems to drag forever; each minute brings nothing but pain. Its unbearable. I have succeeded in nothing, won nothing, and been nothing. this is not what I want to go through, I do not want to be reminded of the horrific dreams.  These wounds wont seem to heal......

• click to see this quote •

why does loving you hurt so much?

& they always ask me why I'm so happy.  
  well, maybe its because I stopped loving, stopped caring, and started living for myself.  

I feel so alone. so lost. so confused. I just want to know what it is that everyone is hiding from me. What is this piece that I am missing? Shouldn't I be happy? I'm afraid. I'm afraid to trust again. To believe. To love. I dont want to let this moment slip away, but with the secret everyone is keeping, its killing me inside. 

I just really need a true friend right now. 

every night...

i waited for my phone to light up with his name.
i waited, thinking, hes going to text me any moment.
i waited. and waited. and waited. 

that text...
finally came. 


 

today, he texted me. 

 it may have took one year. 365 days of pain. but, he never forgot me. 

today, I felt beautiful again.

today, I  smiled and actually meant it.

today, I was happy. 

 never give up hope. 

today is my birthday.

_{July 2^nd 2011 ; 12:00 a.m}

15. another year. another year  that holds many surprises. a day to celebrate that i am still living in this cruel world. a day to tell the world, i am still alive. and i am doing just fine. 

sometimes more than i should.