if i were here,
which i'm NOT, i wouldn't be wasting time writing this away
message, which means that you wouldn't be reading it, which would
mean that i'm here, which i'm not, because i'm doing something
else that i don't want to do with you, or i am eating a cookie or
something that i don't want to share. the point is, i'm not
here, and you're an idiot, because no one semi intellectual would
still be reading this.