xxkatyy7xx

Am I the only one who goes directly
to thier bathroom to
cry when they're upset?
 

       Summer, of course to do the most cliche thing i could, i had a summer romance. What a perfect one it was.. he was tall, he could sing, he was..is.. the funniest person i've ever met... the only downfall? Hes was my bestfriend. I tried to keep my growing love for him a secret inside of me, but i couldnt handle just being friends anymore, just seeing him.. and being with him, made me so unbelievably happy. I couldnt help but to smile and act ditzy around him. I never wanted to say the wrong thing, in fear that he'd stop being my friend and then any chance of ever having a romance with him would be gone.......so i waited.....and waited.....and waited.........eventually all of my emotions just built up and i couldn't handle the stress and anxiety anymore...so i decided i had to tell him. We were at a singing competition together, and naturally he won, because of his exellence, which advanced him into the next stage of this competition.. He had asked me to stay the night at his families house so that i could see him perform the next day., and well natually., i said yes! You can't even begin to imagine my excitement knowing that , that night would change everything. I was going to tell him that i had feelings for him since we had first met. I was so nervous it was unbearable. As we sat there and played cards i comtemplated all of the things i would say to him...realizing of course, that no matter what i would say it wasnt going to be the same scenario when it actually happens. Partly because he is so unpredicatable, and partly because i knew i was going to be afraid to tell him. So when it came time for bed, we slept in the same room, him on the floor and me on the bed.. because of course... we were just friends at this point. We were playing truth or dare and i just decided that this would be the only opportunity i would have to tell him. So i took the risk. I did it. I dared him to kiss me.. and much to my surprise, he did! I asked him if he felt the same way i did.... and he didnt give me a very clear answer, his response " whenever somebody likes me, i feel the need to like them back" so i was never 100% sure." I thought to myself, maybe he was just as nervous as i was.. that must have been why the answer was so unclear. The next day was not as awkward as i had imagined, i dreamt terrible things that he would wake up and realize how much of a mistake he had made. I was so petrified. I just decided that whatever happened, happened. We woke up and ate breakfast... everything was perfectly fine....drove the the competition......everything was fine..... hungout all day, everything was still fine...drove home, everything fine,  now i look back asking myself, how can something that seemed so fine, be so.. not fine?  I told him that i wanted something to come of our relationship, i didnt want to be awkward because of the great friendship we had before, i made it very clear that i did not want to lose that. He agreed completley. So what was our downfall? Distance. the only thing that got in between us, distance.  I was astonished how great everything was going until i heard that one word. I had no idea what to say, there was no way that i could fix the distance, and i still think that was the reason that he used it as his excuse, because it wasnt just something i could fix i had no chance anymore. After falling completley in love with my bestfriend, the distance didnt work.... the worst part? we live 30 minutes from each other, and we can both drive. I asked him, if i can prove to you that the distance will work, will you give us a chance? he said 100% instantley, just like that. And just like that, there was no chance i could ever prove to him it could work. I tried, and believe me, i tried! For months, i told him how much i needed to be with him to be happy, that didnt matter though, because he already had it in his mind that he didnt want anything to do with me anymore. I still wonder if it was something that could have been prevented, and the only thing i've come up with was that if i had just never told him how i felt, i could still be that close with him.. and i almost believe that being that close, would feel so much better than this distance hes created between us.  That was the only distance that i was worried about. the only thing that mattered now, was that i just lost my very best friend. I decided that maybe if i just didnt give up, eventually we would be back together again, so thats what i did, i waited. 6 months.....i just waited for him to give me the same exact reaction... that the distance ruined us. Well, i still couldnt give up, so i kept waiting some more, until we kept loosing touch, the talking became less frequent, the laughs, less often... but my love for him.. kept growing. That is a tragic downfall in people, their feelings keep growing, and the people keep growing apart. I just decided that i would ask him if we would ever be together, since he liked to string me along, and tell me he really wanted to be with me... then once we got really close..... BAM distance ...again.... so i called him, put it out there and just asked are we evergoing to be together? he told me not to give up yet, how can i not give up when everytime i try, i fail. and fail. and fail. over and over this repeated in my head.... i waited some more, to see if anything changed., and surprise,, nothing changed, the excuse? Distance. At this point i wanted to be done, i tried so hard to fight the feelings i had for him, but i couldnt. I still cant, its been so long since i have seen him and this weekend.. i'll be singing with him... I now have a new boy in the picture, but i am still scared that the second i see him ...i'll fall in love all over again... If your still following at this point of my ramble, what should i do in order to prevent this? any thoughts.....or am i as alone as i feel.......

Yeah, im supposed to be cleaning my room right now,

but instead im on witty<3    

Fav. if you've ever done this;D