you_are_all_beautiful

well, im here to tell you my story; maybe you'll care. i was in love with this guy, id never dated him but iwould have died for him, i almost did. he mentallly abused me. he used me to get what he wanted. he said i was below a dog. he told me i was a , , and told me i was a dirtya** & thaat was all i was ever gonna be good at. i never even slept with a guy. he told the whole school that ive had 4 one night stands, called me a to everyoone. everywhere i went they would stare... just stare. it kills me the most. i loved him & he did this. but, you know what? i stilll loved him. i eventually got over his sorry a** after over a year. but, i still have those mental feelings and uncontrollable issues. everywhere i go, even walmart when i see people look at me, i think; 'they know im a , dont they?' ive tricked myself into actually believing it. instead of going to a regular highschool for my ninth grade year i went to an 'early colllege' with my bestfreind. but even she can put me down sometimes. if shes not happy , i cant be. she tries to break my boyfriend up, but not intentially always. well, ive been with my boyfriend 7 months. im completely over the other guy. & im in love with this one. what i forgot to say was, back in 8th grade all that stuff happened, i tried cutting. it felt good... so, everyday i'd almost torture myself thinking of how to get the blade & where id cut tonight.. i actually would starve myself. ive tried throwing up. but, ive never had a full blown eating disorder. i dont now. but, anyways the guy im with. he knows everything. how i used to cry everyday.. cry myself to sleep..cut. everything. he loves me for me. but sometimes im afraid hes just staying because he thinks illl hurt myself but i tell him id be fine, but the truth is i wouldnt be fine. ever. i am in love with him. he tellls me hes in love with me. & HE SHOWS IT TOO. i believe him. but i dont want him to stay just because hes afraid. everyday i think about killing myself. i have wanted to, SO BADLY. soosososos badly. but, havent. ive planned it, wrote my note, everything, but i havent done it. im glad i didnt. but, hey i stilll fight everyday, im fighting now. even though ive went through this and i feel the sccars, and i remember. eventho im adissapointment tomy parents and cant do anything right according to my family most the time. im still fighting. and thats all thatmatters (:

im sorry, what? im really confused about what you replied to? i should talk to him about what?

thannks, sweetie.. its just getting soo hard to believe people when they say that to me, because soo many other people are trying to tear me down</3

I'm dating him, yes. ♥ I'm just worried about losing him because we are really close, and it's like a dream. I just know how girls are down here, and they all don't know how to keep their pants on or even a relationship. I'm just looking for something to last. Everyone keeps saying that bestfriends shouldn't date. /:

You are all gorgeous.
Don't ever let anyone tell you differently.
Akways remember, there's someone who loves you.
Tell me your problems, and I'll help you ASAP.&hearts;