youdestroyedme

Status: hold your head up high gorgeous.
Joined: May 31, 2012
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 304339
                       
hey there, you don't know much about me here are some things,
i cut.
i smoke.
i drink.
i purge.
i am suicidal.
i am depressed :(
i have lots of secret's and if i tell you that means i trust you.

 



                                                                          

Quotes by youdestroyedme

so yes, today was rather intresting. alright day at school i guess. nothing happened. got home and asked my friend to show me up some roofs in town. he thought i just wanted to see the christmas lights,but that was a lie. i needed to find out how to get up there. it was windy. i walked over to the edge. looked out and saw an old friend. he used to be happy. but now look at him, so many friends, laughing loads. i just wanted to shout. to tell everyone. but i couldn't. my friend shouted my name. it stoped me. i walked off, and said i had to go to meet someone but of corse i wasn't meeting anyone. i got my blade and cut again on top of the roof. i stood,so very close to the open edge. crying my eyes out. i thought the time was right. that it had come. then someone called and told me that they could see me. i convinced them i was at home. i quickly ran down. i was nearly home. i saw that guy walk past with his girlfriend.laughing. he never cared. i sat on the edge of this bridge by my house, i took some pills. then something came running down towards me, someone shouted stop. i turned around. some lady was only shouting to her dog. my moment was ruined. she walked past me in discust and gave me an horrible look. i just ran. home. to find out my whole family where there. 

i don't really know what to say. now i honestly give up now though. nothing is going to be able to stop me. but i guess your wondering why i sent you this, right? your thinking yourself out of everyone? well i dont even know why to be honest. i guess i like you? well sort of, like when you message me and call me up, you just make me feel special, like no one else has before. i get so jealous of you though, i see pictures being posted of you and your friends having a laugh. and it just kills me inside. i want some close friends please? some that i can trust. some that can make me happy. some that will make me look back on my past and think that i was so lucky too battle this by myself. but you have a girlfriend. bet you make her feel so special. you love her loads. well here it goes. in a matter of minutes i will be gone. i will be the past. but it would of been what i wanted. hopefully people might see the impact of bullying& child abuse. i only wanted to be cared about. i will be the happiest i have ever been, up there above you. i know you really dont care anyway but i just wanted to tell you to never ever give up. always hold that smile against your face because you can do so much better than whatever is getting you down. do me proud. please.

i hate this. well today i found out no-one truthfully cared, i mean i always guessed it but now my predictions are right. it started on tuesday when i just had enough. i just couldn't handle it anymore. i tryed to control my anger but i just ended up cutting myself again. head to toe. but that still waasn't enough for me. i started screming and bashing my head everywhere, with tears dripping down my face. i couldn't stop. you were having a go at me telling me i was worthless and to kill myself. i was heart broken. and then you blamed it on your 'friends'. the thing is i tryed doing what i was told for once. i got all the pills i could find, and washed them down with a bottle of wine. i started to write on the peice of paper. but i just couldn't. i was shaking so much and i fell over. i crawled into my bed and reached for the rope.

i woke up then next mornig feeling terrible. i was sick so many times,and was still shaking. i looked such a mess. i could move without feelings sick, so i just stayed at home for the day and didn't go to school. and then i get in a arguement with my friend because she was going to come round mine after school with chocolate and i was going to tell her everything, because i felt like i would be able to trust her. yet she sacked me off for her boyfreind who she is with everyday. that made me so fu*king mad tho. trying so hard not to give up now though. i thinking i am slowey losing this battle.

you know when you evacuate yourself to the toilets too get away from everyone &everything. your so so so angry. you like try and do some stupid things too yourself. your sitting down on the floor alone.no one by your side. crying your eyes out and you just cant stop? you put down the blades&the flame and you pick up the bottle. you just think oh a little bit won't make that much of a difference. but you start drinking more and more. then suddenly, the door slams open. in come some girls all happy& laughing. your so jealous because you just want to be happier like them. your listening to there conversation and then the subject suddenly turns too you.

egggggh. </3

i am really sorry, 
for wanting to die.

you don't understand. you just don't understand anything.
you don't understand that 'one' hurtful word could just push me over the edge, and then i'd be gone.  all because of your moment of anger. you need to start to understand that not everything you say is ok.

' Live or die, don't suffer the pain inbetween . '

 

well just to let you know ' that 'friend' who said i could trust them'
i choose die.

</3