Quotes for January 21, 2009

"Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.  (oh well too late)

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron. (damn thats why my eyes always hurt after i put my curling iron in them)

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. (but i dont want my eyes to smell bad)

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow. (now how am i supposed to get anywhere)

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. (why else would i buy it)

"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box. (but i like cold pizza)

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. (so thats why they call them hot beverages?)

"Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter."  (no way!)

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. (but thats my little brothers favorite thing to play with)

"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. (i guess i gotta call in the professionals everytime someone takes a shit)

"Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. (how come good breath cant make me skinnier?)

"Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. (isnt theft of anything a crime?)

"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck. (cause every mailman drives with his eyes closed if he doesnt have this reminder)

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine. (yup i see 7 year olds driving all the time)

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. (if im already dead how can you prosecute me?)

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice. (they look so yummy though)

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts. (well what else would it contain)

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. (so how do i get it to work then?)

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack. (hmm but the plastics the best part!)

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone. (well how else am i supposed to see my phone in the dark?)

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch. (oops)

"No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere. (so what else am i supposed to do)

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos. (so now its ok for me to steal)

"Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement. (omg really?)

"Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge. (hmm that could be a bit of a problem)

"Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts. (well thanks for the advice)

"Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap. (and that is how?)

Baby, Baby .....

"When we first met, I never felt something so strong"
"you were like my lover, and my best friend"
"all wrapped into onee, with a ribbon on it" 

"When those doors open, you can be whatever you wanna be. Whatever happened in the last eleven years, really just doesn't even matter anymore. If you don't want to have the same anoyying friends, or be a dork anymore, you dont have to. You can just start out new, whole, fresh, just be you."

&&...."I've never been a hater, still I love em in a Crazy waay"....

 Why would we want people 50 years from now to know what polar bears are? I mean, what did they do to us?

when i die, i dont want to be forgotten.  i want a part of me, something i did or said to live on in people's hearts forever.  thats why im going to make my mark, and make a difference now, so that i can touch people even when im not around anymore. 

Bacon makes _everything better <3