see
i'm the type of person that doesn't know what she wants. one day
i could be liking one person and then write a quote that's all
about "oh he's different, he's good for me." no, wrong
again. every guy i meet, is just like the other one i met last
night. i'm the type that gets hurt. the type that is always on
the ground because i just don't know how to get up. but i do get
up. and i do keep fighting. but sometimes fighting, isn't good
enough. fighting gets you hurt. fighting is what people do when
they want to get away or get to something. that something is
usually love. love, is what most people want in life. love makes
everything better. love and happiness--that's what people say.
you can't go wrong with love and happiness. but what if you don't
have happiness. well, i guess you don't have love then. i guess
it's like a two part deal huh? yeah, i guess it is.. my friends
think they know everything about me. truth is, they don't. they
don't know that i spend hours and hours of thinking of great
quotes to write. or that the quotes i write actually mean
something to me. or that i watch love movies just to feel
something--anything really, maybe love--but that's a long shot.
they don't know that i'm miserable inside. that i have a hole in
my heart because i've been hurt so many, many times and that from
that i have a hole inside of me. they don't know that i think
about what could have been between me and the one that has hurt
me the most every-single-day. i pretend that i'm alright. i'll go
to my friends' houses and act normal, but inside it kills me. it
kills me to see my best friend and her boyfriend. and it's not
that fact that i don't like them together that's not it at all.
it's just i'm in a place where couples make me sick. i just love
seeing people happy and together with someone. that they have
someone in their lives. i envy them. that they have someone that
loves them and cares about them so much. i want that. i need
that. but i can't have that can i? no, not for me. i'm a hopeless
romantic. i write about love and finding love, but yet i don't
have love. love isn't easy to find--i guess anyone can tell you
that. but i guess once you find it you better hold onto it. love
is like a road, there are lots of turns--one minute everything
can seem fine, and the next you and you're significant other are
in a fight. "love hurts" as Nazareth once said. truly that is a great song to a
heartbroken person. anyone that knows me can tell you that i
listen to that song every heartbreak i get. so maybe i am
blocking out the happiness or maybe i don't have the happiness
anymore.so i will travel on this road; that leads to nowhere. and
yes, i will stop but every time i stop i'll probably get a cut.
and the hole in my heart..well it will get bigger. until that one
day. just that one day when he comes back to me. and he fills my
heart with happiness, but more importantly love. i'll be waiting
for the one person that has hurt me the most to come back to me
and tell me he was wrong. i promise i'll be waiting. i promise.
but until that day actually happens...i'll sit here. writing my
stupid quotes that are filled with meaning. i don't know what
will happen in the next few days or even 5 years from now. i just
know life goes on. people change either for the worst or for the
better. but i will continue to wait and i will continue to write
about finding love. and who knows maybe once i find it. i won't
be that type of person who doesn't know what they want. because
i'll have it. but 'til then...i'll
wait.....