Dear
Anthony, Your my big brother and I love you. But you
obviously don't feel the same way. It took someone
to die for you to be nice for me for a day. When Papa died you
let me wear your sweatshirt almost like to protect me on our
way home, from facing what would be there when we parked. That
same Thursday night then you let me cry into your shoulder
while you wrapped your arms around me and held me there while
trying to hold it back your self. squeezing me tighter and
tighter trying to make it all go away. It was the first
time you have ever tried to comfort me and I know its a last.
You didn't do it out of the kindness of your heart. Mom
told you do to be nice and caring. The only genuine thing you
did was when you tried to comfort me then. After that day while
we got ready for the funeral and ever since then (even though
this is normal for you.) you were just demanding and just cause
your 18 you tried to act like you could control me and maybe if
you gave me more respect I would have listened.
You never answer my texts or phone calls.
You always tell me you are working when I know for a fact you
aren't I text you around 3 in the afternoon and you work
3rd shift so how are you working buddy? You aren't. I am
not stupid bub. You forgot my birthday, even 2 days before that
when I talked to you for the first time in 5 weeks you promised
me you would remember it. But you forgot anyways. Every time I
see you if I see you at all I just want to you to run up to me
and hug me and tell me you love and miss me just like I do to
you. But you say it to Sophia and she just seven and
doesn't even care. She has a big brother. Jacob may be
younger then you but I don't have a big brother other then
you and I don't want a big brother other then you. When
ever you do visit for my favorite 15 minutes of the month you
hardly even meet my eyes. When I try to hug you I don't
want you to push me away again and hug Sophia (my little sister
and yours) without a second glance at me. I know I'm not
invisible but maybe to you I am.
I really do love you. I
miss you. What the fudge did I do? Why can't you just be
more like Cordairo? We aren't even related but we are
friends and he actually takes time out of his day to say hi to
me. We actually have normal person to person conversations. And
we actually wave to each other as we walk by in the streets. Or
why can't you be more like Spencer? He's just our
cousin but at least we talk almost everyday and he listens when
I need him to & I listen when he needs me to. He
actually tells me that he loves me and misses me when you
don't even talk to me. Spencer lives 3 and a half hours
away from Nashua all the way to Albany New York and me and him
are still closer then me and you have ever been.
I'm sorry i'm such a disgrace to you I wish I was
different for you.
But i'm sorry I can't be despite my several
efforts.
boy why are you so
jealous that i like your best friend
? you know i still like you but do you like me ? it doesnt seem like
it so dont be jealous
and lie . love, me
& i can't
help but sit here... and think ofyou. you haven't texted me
back yet... it's been 2 hours. ... i hate to admit it but boy, i'm still in
love with you.