10th
Grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me.
She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her
long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't
notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to
me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and
handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a
kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that
I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just
too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in
tears...
Senior year
The day before prom she
walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not
going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we
made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go
together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night,
after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step.
I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her
crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of
me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best
time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to
tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just
friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't
know why.
Graduation
Day
A day passed, then a
week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day.
I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage
to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't
notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home,
she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her.
Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said,
"you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss
on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I
don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just
too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years
Later
Now I sit in the pews of
the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say
"I do" and drive off to her new life, married to
another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me
like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to
me and said "you came!". She said "thanks"
and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to
know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but
I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked
down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my ""best
friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had
wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at
him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that,
and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I
don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just
too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he
loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I
cried. "
Not my story, but it's cute even if you're not
gay.
I
want that numbness.
That
feeling of feeling nothing at all .
Just
being empty .
The
feeling that gives you a sick comfort.
Where
you don't have to feel .
You
just are .
That
feeling used to be so normal for me.
I
honestly miss not feeling .
Because
nothing would ever really hurt.
Then
i would cry for barely feeling human.
Now
i cry because everything that used to feel like a slight
pinch feels like a slap in the face .
I
miss the rush my body would get when i forced my stomach to empty
itself
.or when i dragged a blade across my bare
skin.
I'm
not proud of who i used to be .
or
that i wish i had never changed .
I'd
be lying to say I'm not tempted to do it again.
But
i won't.
I
can't .
That
would be like letting him win.