i am in my worst state right now. & i miss you. just one text
from you can make my whole day. actually it can make my whole month
or year. i haven't talked to you since christmas & i miss
you. you gave me the best present of just being there. you told me
you would always be there for me. & where are you now? are you
avoiding me? did i come on too strong? do you not like me? do you
have someone else? You were my landing. i could tell you anything.
and you devistated me by leaving. we have been back to school for 4
days now. and i haven't seen you at all. your clearly avoiding
me. you know me too well. you know where i go every morning. you
know where my locker is where my classes are. what my homeroom is.
well guess what. you dont know how much im hurt right now because
if you did i know you would never leave me like this. maybe we
weren't ment to be? i've told everyone that. but more
importantly i cannot believe that. i know that we are ment to be. i
know it. you can be boring. im not going to lie. but its cute. you
tell me weird stories about your life. and how you broke a toilet.
and how you go on trips every summer. we do the same things alot..
like mess up & just love to have fun. we promised that we would
never let our parents meet because then all hell would break loose.
i really thought we had something. and i am not going to give up.
it may seem like it. but i will never ever stop believing in you.
the funny part is, i know you think witty is the wierdest thing
ever. and you consider it the "that depressing website"
& i am posting all of this about you. but if you are reading
this right now. just know this exackly how im feeling. i just
watched my favorite movie... the adjustment bureau. and well i
guess since its so late & all these lovey dovey emotions are in
my head/ heart i needed to get it out. i know you will not
necessary understand but always listen. and your probably really
annoyed by my grammar & punctuation. but hey its about to be
midnight... and i dont feeling like reading all of this again. to
be honest, i've liked you since the seventh grade. funny right?
i always used to think you liked melanie. but in homeroom i would
skip orchestra (which seriously costed me alot in skill level) just
to be with you. and then over the summer.. i kinda forgot about you
and moved on. and then we had the most awkward STD unit together in
health. and i guess things clicked? remember i would always have a
conflict and i would never be in health. i also remember the game
of basketball we played together in gym. and i think you let me
win.. but you actually werent that bad. all these memoies are in my
head. and i just cant forget them. forgive me for ever loving you.
but please tell me you felt something. please tell me you cared. i
am crazy you know that. & i told you that i was afraid to fall
in love... that was my biggest fear. and guess what. i did fall in
love and this is what i am afraid of. and the worst part, i've
never felt this alone before. i have family and friends, but
something is missing and that's you. i have said a million
things to you. i think i hurt you the last time we had coffee
together. but i am so sorry. btw M&M's are cool. just
saying. espeshaily the really big ones in new york city. i really
want to go to place with you one day. just a day in the city with
you. i hoenstly thing i am on soemthign right now. btw i
haven't had coffee since the last time i had it with you.. and
i promise i wont unitl we have it together. @ the place or the
school library sounds a bit closer. it hasn't snowed yet.. but
i know it will. its winter remember? the reason i am really writing
this is because i am really really really hurt by you & by
another guy. and the other guy isnt even worth it. and i would go
to you if i really needed help with anything but your not here. i
texted you on new years. exackly at midnight. telling you i loved
you. and you didnt even respond. i think i might cry right now. but
it hurt. you were really important to me. and you hurt me. you
didnt even see me when school started 2 days later. you didnt see
me all week. if you ever get a chance just pay me a visit. you know
where i am. i dont know what else to say anymore. if you dont
want me anymore just let me go please. but walking away doesn't
help you just pull me along with you. cut the sting or pull me
closer. thats your option. its 12:00 and i dont know if i love