Quotes added on Sunday, April 8 2012

The life of change
 

Seriously, why are we here? This question has haunted me since the day a little blonde haird, hazel eyed , pink blanket came into a hospital room gently resting in the nurses hands. I was passed around person by person. I seemed to be liked. I could feel the spirit in the room of joy. A few years later, not a few, a lot. I had gone through a rough phase. I was called gothic becasue I always wore jackets and a lot of black. I considered myself as one of the guys. But everyone has those phases, right? Mine wasn't completly a "phase" but a lifestyle. I wore black clothes and jackets because I felt more comphertable in them because I want the skinniest or prittiest in the 5th and 6th grade class. I wasnt sure why I thought looks matterd. In the 6th grade, I had 2 main bestfriends. Lets just call them Sabrina and LeeAnn. Sabrina had long, dark brown hair with light brown eyes. LeeAnn was tall with bright blue eyes and long blonde hair. They were both beautiful and were perfect. Everybody loved them. They were the 'populars' and I had no idea why I was part of them, that group. At one point, they both turned against me because I had a boyfriend that was in 8th grade. I had my first boyfriend and first kiss. I had told them, thinking they would keep it a secret. They told everyone I lost my virginity and because I missed 3 weeks of school, told everyone I was pregnant when I was on vacation. yeah. I know its crazy. A 6th grader was pregnant. The day I came back, my life was made hell. People told me I should be on birth control. Everybody pitched in. They said something that hurt. I'm not sure who bought it, but they gave me a pillow and a box of condoms. I got dirty looks from all of my favorite teachers and the so much respect I had from them was suddenly shaddered. Gone. Lost. Something that seemes impossable to gain back. After a few months that passed, me and "him" broke up, and LeeAnn came running back to me because Sabrina and her had gotten into a arguemnt about a dance or something. I thought she had changed so I forgave her, and her and I became close friends again. Sabrina told me exactly what LeeAnn had told me. So, then and there, we became friends again. Its like the demonds and the gods had came togeather and fought over the world, and I was the world. Sabrina wanted me to teach her hoe to be more "boyish" so I did and LeeAnn tried to change me to a Sabrina. I was fed up with everyone trying to change me. Thats when I started to let my life fall apart. I started smoking and cutting myself. I started to eat obnoxiously and by the seventh grade I weighed 160lbs. Eventually I had tooken a chance at suicide because I thought that that was the only way to fix things, that that was the only way god would forgive me for my sins. Now, I realzied that he would have been even more dissapointed in me.

Looks meant everything to me and I didn't know why.
Now, my looks and insecurities could eat me alive. I am now finishing the 8th grade and am trying to change myself for the better.

One day, I went ice skating with my friends and came across a georgous male. It was the first time I had actually talked to someone I didn't know. I had no idea what i was in for.

Ben. He came up to me and my friend Tonya. At first I thought he was trying to get her number because I wasnt the pretty one of us. She was more of his "type." Instead, he came over to me and smiled. I will never forget how big the grin on my face was. He was just, perfect. Long brown hair. Deep brown eyes that would look at somethings buitys and not its negatives. Tall. He was my dream boy, basically. He looked at me with such care, and asked me to skate with him. So, of course, I did. He grabed my hand. His fingers perfectly locked with mine. After that night, we had nonstop texting and late night phone calls. Theres so much I could say about him. He was the first thing that had made me want to change. Words couldn't explain my feelings for him. I had dated him once before, but I had no idea why I broke up with him. When he was gone, I was the sadest thing that had ever lived. Him and I started talking again. I was so happy he had finally decided to give me another chance. We dated for a wile and when my ex boyfriend, Tony came along and things changed. Unknowing, Tony had came over on a snowy day and I happened to be home. My mom made me let him in because, yaknow, it was snowing. I let him and went up stairs so finish my homework. He followed. He pushed me on my bed and forced my shirt and pants off. I was trrified. I tried to, with such force, push him off. He was stronger. He, struggling to work his pants off, still pined my shoulders to the bed. I finally gained enough strength to push him off and make my way down stairs. I found other clothes to put on and the thoughts inside my head were endless. I climbed my way back upstairs and draged him down and out the door. Tony was dating my bestfriend Gina. I told Gina the whole story. She broke with him. He was angry so he told Ben, my boyfriend, a lie, before I got the chance to tell him the story, truth. Ben broke up with me even though I had told him the complete bloody truth. I couldn't even finish the breakup message. Before I knew it, I was dropped to my knees sopping with my own tears. I was so sure that my heart was broken into many peices that could never be placed back together by anyone else. He was my world. Perfect. He understood eveything I ever told him. Every thing I've ever wrote about love was about him. To this day, not a second passes through my mind where I don't think about him. It hurts to see him when I do, becasue I know I'm not going through his mind because he seems so happy without me. He can't seem to realize the love I have for him. When I'm around him, everything is so perfect. I want him to just lean in and put his arms around me, forever and just slowly lean in, and swipe me off my feet for a silent dance. Then for a walk outside. Then suddenly, it starts to rain and he kisses me so passionatly and slowly. Just, words can't explain how I feel about him. Now two years later, when I see him, all the memorys come flooding back. I still hurt, but I know I must move on. I feel guilty when I talk to another guy becasue I havent got my heart back yet. I honestly feel that I have to move away to get over him, and move on. I don't know how to deal with this. He talks to me for a month, then stops for six months, then a month he does and six months he doesnt. He tells me he misses me, but honestly if he really missed me he would have called. I never forgave Tony. I never will. I live every day with the regret of opening that door. All the problems I've ever had, disapeared when I was with Ben. Now, with Ben gone, all my life is are problems. I'm just becoming even more depressed every day that passes without him awknoledging my existance. I guess I'm just thankful for the moments I've spent with him, rather than regret of metting him. I can't live this way anymore.

 

 

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Rain Rain go away
Come again another day:)










Format Credit : QuotesAreMyLife7

















h

Fine, I give up.
If you want to love her, go ahead. Why should I chase someone who will never chase me back?


 

Dear Haters, 

 I Keep It Real And That's A Promise I May Be A B*tch But At Least Im Honest When I Walk By You Stop And Stare Well You Can Just Keep Looking Because I Dont Care I Have My Own Life And Style Not Trying To Please You Or Make You Smile When It Comes To Compition You Are Out Now Shut Up You Hating Azz And Keep Me Out Of Your Mouth Because Im Not No D*ck F*ck The Fake And Thanks For Making Me Center Of Your World

 

“Go out and do for others what somebody did for you.” 

Don't let him close enough to hurt you but don't distance yourself because maybe just maybe he goes to sleep thinking "wow, could she ever be mine?"

Witty-Oh no it looks like you have no followers...
Me-
Witty-
Me-
Witty-
Me-
Witty-
Me-I blame you

Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely. 

"After a hurricane, comes a rainbow"
-Katy Perry

That mini heart-attack you get

when you lose your phone

and it's in your hand.

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