I don't think you get
it.
I don't think you understand that I love you.
That I know you better than you do.
I remember every word you have ever said
to me.
You were my first love and still remain that person.
You are the only person I've seen that has pretty green
eyes.
That scar above your left cheek? Yah it was from getting hit in the
face by a branch while you were on your four wheeler. I
remembered.
You don't like to cut your fingernails and there is always a
bunch of mud under them from all of our mud fights. You use to let
me hold your hand and clean your nails.
We would always stay out as long as possible and wait for it to get
darkest then we'd have our LED flashlights and see who got
blinded first.
We would hide in bushes and point laser lights at cars when they
drove by.
Remember how we always thought the people across the field stalked
us cause of their lighting? Yah well I do.
Did you forget that phone call? It was 2 summers ago. I called you
at 3 in the morning, I was scared. You
promised me you would always be there for
me. Always. You said you would come comfort me no
matter what time. And you did. I remember I would call you and you
would walk over and just talk to me. You made me feel safe. Even
when you were in Michigan, I could call you and you would answer to
make sure I was okay. You would tell me " Dina listen, I know
your scared but I'am always here for you through anything. If
something ever happens you know how to open my window you know how
to contact me. You know I'am always here for you because I love
you"
I wish I knew how you loved me.
I remember all of that. I remember this summer I was scared, I went
to your contact and was about ready to send a call. I was crying i
was so scared. Scared of different reason' of course. I was
scared of myself this time. I was violent and full of hatred and I
needed you.
I didnt call you.
Instead I deleted your number. All of your numbers. All 8 of
them.
Every night i wake up, I'am still scared. I get night terrors.
I hear things. I hate myself.
I hate myself for everything I did. I dont even know what I did but
I know its my fault.
I know I did this.
I ruined everything that was actually going good for me. I ruined
freindship, I ruined my future and my life.
I never thought it would hurt this bad, but now that I have to see
you everyday it hurts me.
I want to be able to call you and cry to you.
I want to here your voice saying my name.
I want to be able to have someone who I can hug for hours and just
complain to about everything.
I just want to be able to wake up and know I have
someone.
All I have left of you is the neckalce you gave me.
I wear it everyday.
I always did.
Remember when you told me to go kill myself and I ripped it
off.
I went in and fixed it.
I wish I could fix our firendship.
I wish everything can go back to normal.
I wish I didnt f.ck it up.
Like I always
do.