Quotes added on Saturday, October 6 2012

I have to learn to let nature take its course and see what happends. Forcing everything at once leads to heartbreak and embarresment. One day I'll learn.
format-RandomCrayon12 LEAVE THIS HERE PLEASE.

No calls...
S h e  U n d e r s t a n d s .
No texts...
She Understands.
but when you see her with  someone else
P l e a s e   U n d e r s t a n d.


of people telling me to stop caring about what other people say about me,
As If its that simple
but it really isn't. I'm not going to lie, I care--alot--about what particular people will say about me because I can't help but wonder:
What If They're Right?
What if maybe, just maybe, they're even a little bit right about what they say about me? Its scary to think that. It makes me feel worse.
I Only Want To Be A Better Me

So whose opinion can I take or trust so I can improve on myself?
Who Can I Turn To?
The answer to that? Well I don't know, but what I do know is that the truth always comes out when someones mad, so its not crazy to believe what people say. But then every time I'll try to tell someone about this they all answer with their
Fake Superiority
that I should just not care. But I don't want to hear that.

I Honestly Don't.
Because I've heard it all before. What I want somone to say to me is that it
It was never true
that no matter how they try to put me down I'm wonderful anyways. Don't tell me not to care because
I Will.
I always will. But if I can have that
One Person
telling me otherwise, I may just be okay. Even if I do care what others think, at least I'll always remember regardless of how they think of me I know I have you. Someone who likes me for me.
And Thats All I Ever Wanted.


So today, I finally got around to putting up pictures of Audri. She'll be two months old tomorrow.
Hannah and David are awesome. I love them both so much.
Ugh. I guess I should give you more of an update on me.
Hannah and Audri are perfect and healthy.
David was discharged from the army due to an injury; he was shot in the leg. He doesn't like to talk about it much. Actually, he's really traumatized. He doesn't talk much at all anymore. Only to me, Hannah, and Audri.
Dad and I have become close, like, really close, despite his autism. I don't know why I was sheltered from him my whole life. He's become one of my best friends.
Austin? Hm. Austin got a girlfriend, they've been dating for eight months now? Around eight months. Her name's Amanda. To be honest, I hated her at first because I thought he could do better. I really like her now though. He's happy, so that's all that matters.
My mom and stepdad are in rehab for drug abuse. Can't say I didn't see that one coming. David and Hannah got a legal thing done where she isn't allowed to see the baby, so she hasn't seen Audri, and she won't be able to until she's 13.
I wouldn't say I've gotten over Zach's death, but the thought of him has become easier for me. Now, when I think of him, it's pleasant, not painful. He's not suffering anymore. And I have to move on.
And me? Not much about me. I got a cat named Abernanthy to keep me company when I'm sad. He's yellow and he he's so freaking lazy but he kind of fills a gap. I love him. I actually have a boyfriend now. His name's Shawn. He's super sweet and really shy. And he really likes me.
Oh, another thing about Austin. On the inside of his bicep, he got my son's initials tattooed in black. In honor of him. (He's 16, so it's legal where I live.)
I'll really try to keep you guys updated on Audri and Shawn and Austin with pictures and everything. It's just hard. I've been super busy with recently becoming super depressed and super anorexic. I've lost 18 pounds in six weeks. I can tell Austin's worried, but I don't care.
To be honest, I'm still contemplating suicide. I know I should get help, but I don't want it. And now, I don't want to die to be with Zach or my son, but I just want to die. I don't want to be here. Nothing's right. Mom hates me, Austin's wrapped up in Amanda, David doesn't speak, and I'm forced to watch my brother live life with a baby when I know that if Austin were still alive, that would be me. I would be the one with the baby. I know I would be an amazing mom. But I guess he belonged to God. So I trust it.
My main picture is of Audri. I think she's gorgeous. I hope you all do too :)
I love you guys.

I found out today what it really means to have good guy friends.
I love you, dude.
A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Nmq/ My format
Take your age.
Subtract 2.
Add 2.
That is your age.

Hey i just met you and this is

crazy take my things and i'll

kill you maybe?


You always want the one that you

can't have

Because love isn't always fair


-Black Veil Brides
                         When there is desire
       There is gonna be a
              Where there is a flame 
Someone's bound to get 
                  But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You gotta get up and try...

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