So today, I
finally got around to putting up pictures of
Audri. She'll be two months old tomorrow.
Hannah and David are awesome. I love them both so much.
Ugh. I guess I should give you more of an update on me.
Hannah and Audri are perfect and healthy.
David was discharged from the army due to an injury; he was shot
in the leg. He doesn't like to talk about it much. Actually,
he's really traumatized. He doesn't talk much at all
anymore. Only to me, Hannah, and Audri.
Dad and I have become close, like, really close, despite his
autism. I don't know why I was sheltered from him my whole
life. He's become one of my best friends.
Austin? Hm. Austin got a girlfriend, they've been dating for
eight months now? Around eight months. Her name's Amanda. To
be honest, I hated her at first because I thought he could do
better. I really like her now though. He's happy, so
that's all that matters.
My mom and stepdad are in rehab for drug abuse. Can't say I
didn't see that one coming. David and Hannah got a legal
thing done where she isn't allowed to see the baby, so she
hasn't seen Audri, and she won't be able to until
I wouldn't say I've gotten over Zach's death, but the
thought of him has become easier for me. Now, when I think of
him, it's pleasant, not painful. He's not suffering
anymore. And I have to move on.
And me? Not much about me. I got a cat named Abernanthy to keep
me company when I'm sad. He's yellow and he he's so
freaking lazy but he kind of fills a gap. I love him. I actually
have a boyfriend now. His name's Shawn. He's super sweet
and really shy. And he really likes me.
Oh, another thing about Austin. On the inside of his bicep, he
got my son's initials tattooed in black. In honor of him.
(He's 16, so it's legal where I live.)
I'll really try to keep you guys updated on Audri and Shawn
and Austin with pictures and everything. It's just hard.
I've been super busy with recently becoming super depressed
and super anorexic. I've lost 18 pounds in six weeks. I can
tell Austin's worried, but I don't care.
To be honest, I'm still contemplating suicide. I know I
should get help, but I don't want it. And now, I don't
want to die to be with Zach or my son, but I just want to die. I
don't want to be here. Nothing's right. Mom hates me,
Austin's wrapped up in Amanda, David doesn't speak, and
I'm forced to watch my brother live life with a baby when I
know that if Austin were still alive, that would be me. I would
be the one with the baby. I know I would be an amazing
mom. But I guess he belonged to God. So I trust it.
My main picture is of Audri. I think she's gorgeous. I hope
you all do too :)
I love you guys.