Today I was venting to someone
that I thought was one of my best friends. I was talking to her
about how it's super awkward that everyone keeps asking me if
me and HIM are going out, even his ex-girlfriend asked. Then she
said, "I wish people would stop asking you that." Then
I said, "I know me too," then she cut me off by saying,
"I mean, it's NEVER going to happen. Everyone can see
that, so why do people keep asking?" It stopped me cold, I
had no idea how to respond. 1. Why would she say that? She's
supposed to be my friend and 2. EVERYONE else thinks we are going
out/we should/we will...so apparently she's the only one that
thinks it will "NEVER happen"
I cant help but to look back and think of all the good times.
There's one time in perticular that I can say I was the
happiest I have ever been and I think I ever will be. It was when
you said "yes". I only knew you for about two hours and I
remeber trying to act cool lol. But you saw threw me like an open
window. I want to tell you I have lied to you and I want to die
because I can't believe I could ever lie to someone who loved
me so much and wanted me to be so great. You could tell when I was
lying and when I was sad even if I tried my hardest to hold it in
you never let me. You used that cute voice and amazing smile to
charm me. You say to yourself can I trust him. Well before you
couldn't that was the old me that didn't care what happened
I was so high I couldnt see straight. But I have been sober for a
week now a d that's why I've been sick and tired. The only
thing that has changed is I'm really me and I'm going to
stay like this forever no matter what happens I'm sorry Bella
but I lied to you and I can never forgive myself for that and all I
can think about is the feelin I got when you sent me those words
and the feeling of someone reaching in and grabbing my heart and
squeezing it. I became heavily addicted to alcohol and I'm two
weeks sober for that. All i did was drink till I forgot about you
but I couldn't and I'm never going to lie again I
haven't and I never will. Oh and you the first person I could
say I love you to. I couldn't even say it to my own grandmother
on her birthday. All I mean I say is sorry i love you and sorry
that I do love you I keep making your life more complicated and
I'm sorry. Wow this is really long if you read this far then
tell me you did so I know. Just text me two words PURPLE ELEPHANT.
It makes no sense but hey that's me. Love ya ;)