Dermatillomania
Picking at my
face, chest and back. It’s done at night in my bed when
I’m supposed to be asleep. It’s subconscious most of
the time. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until
I’ve been at it for an hour or so. I constantly check
my face in the mirror for zits whether I’m out in public or
at home. I love everything about zits - the sight, the sound and
the feelings, both physical and emotional. When the zits start to
heal, I pick at the scabs. I like making myself bleed and feeling
the blood and clear pus run down my face. Popping zits and
picking scabs give me feelings of comfort, relief and
satisfaction. I am more likely to do it when I am stressed out or
bored. I have a addiction to popping my pimples. I can sit in
front of the mirror for hours and just pick, and poke until I get
enough pimples popped. I have acne that is under the skin which
makes me want to squeeze my face more which concludes to me
having scars and bumps and scabs all over my skin. I hate it, I
wish I didn’t have to wear foundation or cover up, I
don’t wear a lot of make up, I try to make myself look as
natural as possible, but it’s so hard with all the scars I
have on my face. I want to stop. I tried sticking post it notes
on my mirror saying “You’ll be scarred for
life” and none of them work. I feel like its equivalent to
a drug addiction. I want to be confident in my own body and
appearance, but this bad habit is scarring and ruining it even
more. I can’t even look at my self no more, I feel sick, my
mood changes. I get jealous every time I see a girl with flawless
skin because my acne is just hormonal.