Quotes added on Monday, February 25 2013
My best friend just asked me if it was bad that his nipples were
stretchy..... yeah I had just about the same reaction
Shadows
Rain
Chapter 5Sometimes when I close my eyes I see flashes. Flashes of ideas, colors, thoughts, anything really. Mostly it's memories though. Back to when I was happy. It makes me home sick. It makes me want to break down and let everything out. I try not to close my eyes anymore.
Simple things terrify me. Like being happy. That terrifies me so much. I should in know way be happy. I can never be happy again. Not after what I've done. People don't seem to understand this. But that could be because I don't tell them. I don't even tell them my name for that matter. That's why I don't understand the kid. Or as I should call him, Jace.
I don't even give him the time of day and yet he still wants to be my friend. I'm a freak. Why would he want to be near me? He will be able to leave soon. So why hang out with me? I would only bring him down. I really should have said no to having him be my friend. But it's true about what he said. I could really use one. I need someone to occupy my time. Someone who can get me to stop thinking. Even if it's just for a little while.
I sit at the lunch table while he keeps on talking. He never stops. He really isn't conceded though. He neve brings himself up once. It's always about people he knows and what they have done to inspire him. The way he talks abou them is beautiful. He just seems mesmerized by them. Like each of them is a new and equally beautiful subject. A subject that you just can't seem to express your feelings for. It makes me want to smile. But I don't.
I know better. If I smile he'll keep going. He'll keep acting like my silence doesn't bother him. But I know it does. I know he'll want to leave soon. And that's for the best. So if I smile he will stay. That's definetly not a good thing. He's better off with out me in his life. Jace is better off with pretending he never met me. I know it. Pretty soon he will know it too. Just like everyone else knows it.
So I listen to him speak. I memorize it. I want to keep it for later. So that way when he does leave I will have it. That way if I get out of here I know how I should feel about things. I sneak glances at him every chance I get. Jace is absolutely beautiful to look at. I bite my lip and look back down so that my hair falls in front of my face. This way he can't see me smile. He has stopped talking. I stop breathing. There is only a couple of reasons for him to stop talking and none of them are good for me.
One reason is that he saw me smile and he couldn't believe it. The other reason is that something unexpected happened. I was so caught up in him that I didn't realize someone had walked up. Actually a couple someones. I'm stiff as a board. I can't seem to get air into my lungs. My instinct is to run as fast and as far as possible.
Two people sit next to me and the other two next to Jace. "So what's happening over here?" The voice is like ice. Pure cold. I flinch.
Bad move. "What was that for Freak?" I shrink farther into myself as everyone looks at me. As that second voice condems me for what I am. Now Jace will realize what he should have right away. He will understand that he needs to leave me alone if he wants to get out of here.
"Hey, jack wagon. Yeah you. Did we ask for your input?"
"Dude calm down. We are just talking to the freak."
"She's not a freak. If anything I'd say you guys are the freaks. Nobody knows what you guys are in here for. So why don't you go talk to someone who actually wants to hear your opinion." I can't believe what I am hearing. It makes me smile. He can't see it though. But I want him to. I want him to know I'm grateful. So as I hear people getting up and leave I look up and smile. But the thing is he isn't the only one sitting there. A dark stranger is also. The look on both their faces when they see me smile is priceless. Yet I can't soak it up because I didn't want this guy to see me smile. I can't have him see me smile. He didn't deserve it. He didn't work for it. So I get up and leave. As quickly as possible. I don't turn back. I don't want them to know I can feal anger.
Random Questions
About Me:
Spell your name without vowels: Kmrn
Your favorite number: 3
What color do you wear most?: Probably Gray
Least favorite color? hot pink omg
What are you listening to? Halo, Video Game Music
What is your favorite class in school?: English
Are you outgoing? It depends on who I'm with.
Favorite pair of shoes? my uggs.
Can you dance? sure
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth? Dunno
Can you whistle?: hell yeah
Write with both hands?: Yes- mostly leftie though
Cross your eyes? yes ;D
Walk with your toes curled? Yeah
THE DO'S
Do you believe there is life on other planets? sure
Do you believe in miracles?: YES
Do you believe in magic?: *IN A YOUNG GIRL'S HEART* ;] yeah
Love at first sight? sometimes.
Do you like roller coasters?: yes and no.
Do you know how to swim?: I'm a whale-turtle-penguin. okay.
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows? I hate those things :\ so uh, no.
THE HAVES
Have you ever been on a plane?: I have
Have you ever asked someone out? Huh. No. Maybe. Good lord it's been ages I can't even think straight.
Have you ever been to the ocean?: uh huh
Have you ever painted your nails? Yeah, a couple of times. Doing other people's toenails is easier for me though.
THE WHATS
What is the temperature outside? Cold.
What radio station do you listen to?: Pandora. :]
What was the last thing you bought? new cd
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: A Gifted Man
THE WHOS
Who was the last person you IM'd? I don't even know.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: My sister :3
Who was the last person you said I love you to? Grandpa.
HAPPY SECTION
Are you a happy person?: If I'm spaced out enough.
What can make you happy?: Music, Conner ahahaha, writing, sleeping, eating, more music, playing video games.
Do you wish you were happier?: Yeah
Can music make you happy?: Well duh
How many times have you had your heart broken?: A couple times. :|
LOOK AT ME
What is your current hair color? musty brown lol
What does your hair look like now? down, straight, normal.
Current piercings? Ears
Have any tattoos? not yet
Eye color? gray/blue-green
CURRENTLY WEARING
What shirt are you wearing?: Bright green Doernbecker t-shirt
Pants: sweats
Shoes?: barefoot
Necklaces?: wooden turtle
HAVE YOU EVER
Been to jail: nope
Ran away from home: yes
Laughed so hard you cried: a lot
Thrown up in a store: probably
Wanted to be a model: ...sure.
Done something really stupid that you still laugh about?: All the freaking time
seen a dead body: multiple
skinny dipping: no
THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: Mcdonalds
Single or Group Dates?: single.
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Strawberries or blueberries: blueberries
Meat or Veggies: meat
TV or Movie: both
Guitar or Drums: both
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Chinese or Mexican: chinese
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Cheerios
Cake or Pie: pie
MTV or VH1: what the heck is VH1?
1. Were you named after anyone? My middle name was from this chick on a movie or something that my mom really loved- also her best friend's favorite movie. :3
2. When was the last time you cried? a few days
3. Do you like your handwriting? no no no no no
4. What's your favorite lunch meat? turkey, peperoni
7. Do you use sarcasm? all the time
8. Do you still have your tonsils?: yepp
9. Would you bungee jump?: After I defeat my fear of sort of heights.
10. What is your favorite cereal?: toast. I don't really have a favorite cereal.
11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: no
13. What is your favorite ice cream? rocky road
14. What is the first thing you notice about people? The things that make them unique, like tattoos and the way they look at other people
15. Red or pink?: red
16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? too many things
17. Who do you miss the most?: Keigan
18. Do you want everyone to complete this list? what
21. What are you listening to right now? Freeze by Alphawezen
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? forest green, purple mountain majesty (epic name), or periwinkle.
23. Favorite Smells?: rain, applejuice, freshly mowed grass lol.
Spell your name without vowels: Kmrn
Your favorite number: 3
What color do you wear most?: Probably Gray
Least favorite color? hot pink omg
What are you listening to? Halo, Video Game Music
What is your favorite class in school?: English
Are you outgoing? It depends on who I'm with.
Favorite pair of shoes? my uggs.
Can you dance? sure
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth? Dunno
Can you whistle?: hell yeah
Write with both hands?: Yes- mostly leftie though
Cross your eyes? yes ;D
Walk with your toes curled? Yeah
THE DO'S
Do you believe there is life on other planets? sure
Do you believe in miracles?: YES
Do you believe in magic?: *IN A YOUNG GIRL'S HEART* ;] yeah
Love at first sight? sometimes.
Do you like roller coasters?: yes and no.
Do you know how to swim?: I'm a whale-turtle-penguin. okay.
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows? I hate those things :\ so uh, no.
THE HAVES
Have you ever been on a plane?: I have
Have you ever asked someone out? Huh. No. Maybe. Good lord it's been ages I can't even think straight.
Have you ever been to the ocean?: uh huh
Have you ever painted your nails? Yeah, a couple of times. Doing other people's toenails is easier for me though.
THE WHATS
What is the temperature outside? Cold.
What radio station do you listen to?: Pandora. :]
What was the last thing you bought? new cd
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: A Gifted Man
THE WHOS
Who was the last person you IM'd? I don't even know.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: My sister :3
Who was the last person you said I love you to? Grandpa.
HAPPY SECTION
Are you a happy person?: If I'm spaced out enough.
What can make you happy?: Music, Conner ahahaha, writing, sleeping, eating, more music, playing video games.
Do you wish you were happier?: Yeah
Can music make you happy?: Well duh
How many times have you had your heart broken?: A couple times. :|
LOOK AT ME
What is your current hair color? musty brown lol
What does your hair look like now? down, straight, normal.
Current piercings? Ears
Have any tattoos? not yet
Eye color? gray/blue-green
CURRENTLY WEARING
What shirt are you wearing?: Bright green Doernbecker t-shirt
Pants: sweats
Shoes?: barefoot
Necklaces?: wooden turtle
HAVE YOU EVER
Been to jail: nope
Ran away from home: yes
Laughed so hard you cried: a lot
Thrown up in a store: probably
Wanted to be a model: ...sure.
Done something really stupid that you still laugh about?: All the freaking time
seen a dead body: multiple
skinny dipping: no
THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: Mcdonalds
Single or Group Dates?: single.
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Strawberries or blueberries: blueberries
Meat or Veggies: meat
TV or Movie: both
Guitar or Drums: both
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Chinese or Mexican: chinese
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Cheerios
Cake or Pie: pie
MTV or VH1: what the heck is VH1?
1. Were you named after anyone? My middle name was from this chick on a movie or something that my mom really loved- also her best friend's favorite movie. :3
2. When was the last time you cried? a few days
3. Do you like your handwriting? no no no no no
4. What's your favorite lunch meat? turkey, peperoni
7. Do you use sarcasm? all the time
8. Do you still have your tonsils?: yepp
9. Would you bungee jump?: After I defeat my fear of sort of heights.
10. What is your favorite cereal?: toast. I don't really have a favorite cereal.
11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: no
13. What is your favorite ice cream? rocky road
14. What is the first thing you notice about people? The things that make them unique, like tattoos and the way they look at other people
15. Red or pink?: red
16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? too many things
17. Who do you miss the most?: Keigan
18. Do you want everyone to complete this list? what
21. What are you listening to right now? Freeze by Alphawezen
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? forest green, purple mountain majesty (epic name), or periwinkle.
23. Favorite Smells?: rain, applejuice, freshly mowed grass lol.
They say that the oscars are like the female superbowl.
At least during the superbowl theres food...
At least during the superbowl theres food...
It bugs me when
people are unnecessarily mean. Like, you didn't
have to make that comment. You could have just kept
your mouth shut and left that person not feeling bad
about themselves. What do you gain from making someone
else feel like crap? Nothing of substance. Maybe a
short moment of power but that’s gone as soon as
it comes so why? Just why? There’s enough
unhappiness in the world without you adding to
it.
All A Mystery
Chapter 16
Sams POV
After I made my way home, I couldn't shake what happened with Grace over the past 24 hours. She was completely different, not caring, not wanting to do anything, being more distant than usual.
I pulled out my phone and Decided to call her dad.
"Hello?"
"Hi, is this Nathan? Grace's father?" I asked.
"Yes, Sam? Is Grace with you?"
"No, She just left on the bus for home. Is there something going on?" I asked him.
"Kinda of yes, Why? Didn't she tell you?"
"Tell me what?" My eyebrows raised up.
"Sam, Graces mother was taken off life support yesterday morning. It was a last minute decision that Grace didn't agree with. Shes on her way home for the funeral at noon, burial is at 1."
"She-She never told me."
My head dropped as I ran my fingers through my hair.
"I don't know why she didn't. I'm so sorry that she didn't tell you Sam." Nathan spoke softly.
"Dad, Im home." Graces voice sounded through the reciever.
"Alright." He replied to her.
"Sam, I gotta go. Please come to the funeral. I know Grace needs you there. Even if she wont admit it." Nathan told me.
"I will, Im so sorry for your loss." I told him before hanging up.
The clock on the wall told me it was 11:30 already, enough time to shower and dig out my black suit.
....
Graces POV
I walked into the house around 11:30 ish and dropped my bags by the door.
"Dad, Im home." I shouted as I glanced at him on the phone with someone.
"Alright." He replied.
I made my way upstairs as he continued talking and quickly showered, then straightening my hair pin straight and pinning my bangs out of my face, with the freebees being loose.
I slipped on my plain black dress and blue high heels with blue heart necklace, blue being my moms favourite colour.
Well, it was.
My face stayed plain knowing if I even attempted make up, it would be washed away with my tears soon enough. My dad called from downstairs saying it was time to go, and I slipped my heels on, following after him, the sun hidden by the dark clouds looking like it was going to rain. He started up his truck and pulled out of the drive way, heading towards the cemetery where my mom was supposidly lying in a box, waiting to be put into ground.
...
All of the fire house members and family friends came to see my mother and offer their condolences for our loss of a strong woman. We all eventually had to close the casket and proceed to the back to where my mothers grave stone was for her to be lowered into the ground. My body felt numb and helpless, wishing I somewhat told Sam.
I stood next to my father as the Priest said a few final words as I felt arms wrap around my wasit tightly and my back being pulled into a strong solid chest. My gaze looked up as I saw Sam's brown eyes stare into mine, his body dressed in a suit and tie, holding onto me tighty.
Protectively.
I turned around and buried my face into his chest, fisting his white dress shirt into my hand tightly, sobbing. I was thankful that he was here. Sam buried his face into my nexk, placing soft kisses in the crock on it and along my jaw line.
Eventually, Sam pulled me out of his chest, so that we could both watch as they lowered my mom into the ground. After a moment of silence and for people to say final goodbyes, they ushered us to our cars before they covered her casket with dirt.
I held onto Sam's hand the whole way back to the cement where the vechicles were all parked.
"Grace, we are going to go get some late lunch at the Cafe, don't be too long, Sam can come if he wants." My dad yelled slightly loud, wiping his eyes quickly.
I nodded my head as I leaned against Sams arm.
"Grace?" Sam whispered.
"Yeah?" I replied, trying to rid my eyes of tears.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.
"I didn't want to. I didn't need you trying to fix everything." I replied, not meaning to sound harsh.
"Why not?" He wondered.
"Because Sam, You can't fix everything, You can't protect me from everything." I shouted rather loudly.
"No, But I can try." He whispered.
"Sam, don't. Just don't. Its over with. Shes dead. Shes gone, Shes in the ground. Its over with. Don't bring up the past."
"I will bring up the past if its a major issue. Which this is." He answered.
I leaned against his car on the passenger side, hidden from the guests who showed up.
"I said let it go." I growled at him.
"No, I wont. You should of told me." He spat.
Without thinking, I raised my hand and smacked him across the face.
"I didn't have to tell you sh/t!" I spat back.
Sams hand raised and almost collided with my face, his arm froze stopping it a few millimetres from it, his eyes were black with anger, you could tell he wasn't Sam.
My eyes drooped to the ground and closed tightly, waiting for him to hit me. Instead I felt his hand trail up my arm rubbing soothingly.
"Is that what you want Sam?" I asked, staring at him finally, his eyes back to normal, back to saddness.
"To hit me? Go ahead. Want to slap it out of me? Slap out why I didn't want to tell you? Well fine. I didn't tell you because I thought you'd try to change it. Try to fix her. She can't be fixed. You're always trying to protect me. She was going to die. You couldn't change that Sam. You just couldn't." I shouted, pushing him back and quickly running to my dads idling truck.
"You're right." Sam said, before I climbed into my dads vehicle.
"I can't protect you from everything, not even this. But d@mn it Grace, I could of tried. I will try, not matter what. I wont give up. I'll protect you from everything I can, because I want to, because I don't want you hurt. You are everything to me now Grace. I only care about you."
I closed the door, but not before I heard him talk again.
"I can't protect you from everything that happens Grace. But I promise you this, I will try my absolute hardest. Thats a d@mn promise."
I slammed the door as my dad pulled away, heading for home, I suddenly not feeling hungry.
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Shoutouts: To AmberBailey for her amazing help with this story; Breeze, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLL! <3; And Sophie, who is still a POOPYHEAD! <3
Outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=71949736
