Quotes added on Thursday, October 31 2013

what cats eat: a piece of cat food.
what dogs eat: dog food, dog dish, cat dish, fish bowl, couch, front door, half of New York, the Great Wall of China and three socks.

Friend: I need a cool last minuete halloween coustume
Me: Ok, so you need like a string and car keys. Take your car keys and put them on the string, then tie the string around your neck, and do you know what you have? 
Me: A leash of keys
Me: Aleashof keys
Me: Alicia Keys

Columbus: What kind of guys does Witchita go for?
Little Rock: She goes for the bad boys
Columbus: *knocks over bowl of popcorn*
Columbus: Oh, woops

-Zombieland

My daily thoughts:
What the f/uck.
Oh my god.
Shut up.
How about no.
What is wrong with you.
Kill myself.
I hate you.
Stop.
So, we're not doing that.
Exercise is for people who try.
Pipe the f/uck down.
I can't even like no.
Yea-No.
You're stupid.
No.

This quote does not exist.

*at the dinner table with my family* sister- " you guys are so weird!!" * so my brother and i get these goofy facial expressions and bat our eyes at eachother* dad- *bursts out laughing* " When I went to work this morning, i never expected to come home and see this!!" brother and i- * starts grinning at eachother, then laughs uncontrollably* me - * finally stops laughing* " Ew dad! just EW!!! " * looks at brother and bursts out laughing again* * whole family starts gasping for breath because of laughing so hard at my bro and i*