Quotes added on Monday, May 25 2015
Unrequited Love
I fell
in love with you too easily. Too easily, I hoped and prayed and
placed too much faith in something I knew, in the back of my
mind, was not there. I placed you on a pedestal so high and above
the clouds it was unreachable, and I loved you from the ground on
which I stood to the stars that hung above your head. You never
looked down, you never noticed. And I planted beanstalk upon
beanstalk to try and get to you, but they all withered and died.
I tried and tried, and still you never glanced at me. But I loved
you all the same. I loved from a distance, the same way I loved
before. It was easy to love you, it was easy to try. And it was
easy to get hurt, and have my selfish hopes ruined. It was also
easy to stop caring, to stop sitting at the base of the pedestal
that I built. Oh it was so easy to dismantle that pedestal. Too
easy. It was hard, though, seeing you on the same plane as I.
Seeing you for who you were and not what I wanted you to be. It
was hard to walk away, because I did love you, I just didn't
love you enough to stay and hope anymore. So I did. I walked
away, and left you there, bewildered at my antics, and
still not seeing the ruins of the pedestal, the dimming of the
stars, or the withered beanstalks that littered the ground around
you. I walked away. But I left a piece of me with you, and you
still haven't noticed.
The Perks of being a Wallflower
then I was violated and now I literally have
no shame and I get p.issed off over every
little thing. yet, my anxiety got worse.
examples:
- I used to think it'd be the worse thing in
the world for someone in my house to see
me naked. but now I will literally get naked
and change in the kitchen. I also pee with
the door open and make eye contact when
someone walks past. I just tell everyone it
is my way of establishing dominance.
- I will seriously enter full debate mode over
the littlest s.hit. like one time I argued til the
point of making my godmother mad, while
defending a friend. also, I just posted a hella
long rant to facebook (and I literally never
made a facebook post until this year lol.)
- I still can't buy jack s.hit because cashiers
are too intimidating, and I'm too anxious.
he wrote a poem
and he called it "chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and thats what it was all about
his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts.
that was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny nails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed alot
and the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
and his father always tucked him in bed at night
and was always there to do it
once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
beause of the new paint
and the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see santa claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it
once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
and thats what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year Father Tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the Apostles's Creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much make up
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
becuase it was the thing to do
and at 3 am he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
that's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time
he didnt think he could reach the kitchen----
Our path may change as
life goes along, but the
bond between us remains ever
strong. I miss you..You aren't
just my sisters you are my world.I
love you to freakin death.
