i can remember the first time i really looked
at him. the first time i really took
in all his facial features, his hair, and the
way he walked. i'm still
not exactly sure why i was so captivated
by him, but there was just something
about him that i was intrigued by.
i hadn't spoken a word to him yet,
nor did he know i even existed, but i found
myself growing more
and more fascinated with this boy.
there was just something about his sandy hair
and hazel eyes and smug expression
that made me want
to get to know him. little did i know, in the
next year or so, i would get to know
him exceptionally well. i would
learn his favorite color. i would
learn what he liked and disliked. i would
observe how he would always be humming
or tapping on something. i would
observe how he talked like he knew
he was right, all the time.
i learned his name was Joe. and i learned
he was an immature boy
who threw words and phrases
around without meaning them.
i learned he smoked pot. yet i ignored
the shaking of heads and the typical
"he's bad for you" comment. i know
now that they were right. but i came
out alive. but i'll never forget
how this boy made me feel like i was the most
beautiful girl in the whole entire world.
but i also won't forget
how fast he got rid of me, like i was
just some piece of trash he couldn't wait to
throw away. i guess, in the end, one
of us cared too less, and one of us
still cares too much. -(Always, n.m)