Day
17,
(what you are about to read is not written by me. i found it on the
internet or tumblr and i loved it so i am NOT taking credit for
this. it just hit me hard.)
You wanna know what happens once you
kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby
dead and she screams and runs over to you to wake you up but you
won't and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are
dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and
runs into the room and he can't even speak because the child
that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little
sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she
sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person
she bragged about to her friends, the person she wanted to be just
like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But
she's never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh
and love because she'll always be consumed with this feeling of
missing you. And now there's something missing from your family
and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything
reminds them of you but you're gone and hurts more than
anything. And you think your mom never cared because she was always
busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room
and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you
more than anything and she doesn't leave the house anymore, she
can't even get out of bed and she's getting thinner and
thinner because it's to hard to eat. Your father had to quit
his job and he doesn't sleep anymore, every time he closes his
eyes he sees his dead baby, and the image never goes away no matter
how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees
that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her
stomach and that's when she hears the announcement. You killed
yourself. And suddenly she's screaming and crying in the middle
of class and no one even bothers comforting because they're all
just sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping
down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell
her it's gonna be okay like you always did, but this time your
not there to do it, everything is dark now that you're gone and
her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she
ended up in the hospital after taking too many pills because she
wanted to see you again. The girls who used to make fun of the way
you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don't talk to
each other anymore, they don't talk to anyone, they're all
in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing
works. Ms your teacher who gave you a hard time stares blankly at
the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your
boyfriend hears the news and he can't breathe, he still calls
you just to hear your voice and he talks to you on Facebook but you
never message him back, he can't fall in love again because
every girl he meets reminds him of you, he's never going to get
over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night
hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn't save
you and he's never going to hold you in his arms or hear your
laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big
part of your life or someone you passed in the hallways a few times
a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because
you're gone, and they miss you, and they don't know why you
left but it must've been there fault and they should've
stopped you and they should've told you they loved more and
that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed
yourself
But you killed everyone else around
you too.
- Anonymous (again i found on tumblr
and i absolutely loved it)