Quotes added on Monday, March 21 2016



MEMORIES ARE WORSE
THAN BULLETS.


I used to arch my back for boys who couldn’t even remember the color of my bedsheets, but you, however, made me turnover the arch on my mouth. You’ve sucked the bitterness from my neck and taught my lips how to sing songs of laughter – going easy, going slow. Fast, hard, who cares now? You can’t break me. You shook off the nervousness from my bones when you made a home between my thighs.

                     —Sade Andria Zabala

” 

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CAUSE IN THE END
ALL YOU REALLY HAVE
IS MEMORIES

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I suffer from anorexia, suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, chronically  low self esteem, night terrors, and PTSD. I've got a lot going on in my head, mostly things that went wrong. And I need you to know that It gets better. I've reached the lows, I've been there, it really sucks, really sucks, but it'll be okay. I know its hard to believe, I remember what its like to be there and I remember what it feels like. I know you feel like its untrue and like I dont know what I'm talking about but I've been there and I promise it gets better. One day you'll look back and be happy you made it. Im still recovering, It's got its ups and downs, but it's better, its worth it. I can eat again, I can sleep, I can look in the mirror. and you will be able to too. You can make it. I believe in you. and I'm here anytime if you need someone. Be safe, Please, and don't give up.

We stop running and crouch in the dark wilderness, my hands still bleeding from the barbed wire fence. There was only one syringe and it was supposed to be the last resort; now it’s the only option. Only one of us will be leaving tonight. She winces from the pain, “its medicine,” I whisper, she’s young, the world is cruel and horrible, and she shouldn’t have to live like I have. “Nina, look at me.” I cup my hands around her face so she can’t look around and see the men in the distance. “I want you to close your eyes and count backwards from one hundred.” I whisper to her, “when you’re done we will be out of here, you’ll be safe. Okay?” I say quietly, smiling. She nods, “and absolutely no peeking.” I add. She closes her eyes. “one hundred…” I can hear the dogs “ninety nine…” they’re getting closer “ninety eight…” any second now “ninety… seven?” she breathes heavily, “I don’t feel too well BuBu.” She barely musters out. “I know, I know baby, it’ll be alright, we’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be safe. Just keep counting.” I whisper to her, pulling her close to me tears stream freely down my face. I can’t see her in the darkness but I can feel her fear. I hug her tight to me and put my hand on the back of her head. She has stopped counting. I feel cold hard steel against the back of my head.
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WE CAN RUN DOWN THE STREETS WITH THE STARS IN OUR EYES...

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I don't fall slow like I used to.
I fall straight down.

 

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MY HaPPy LITTLe PiLL
TAKE ME AWAY
DRY MY EYeS
BRING COLOR
TO MY SKIES

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Please don't remove this, or make it invisible!
Image is from tumblr, original photographer unknown.
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THEY SAY WE'RE
GOING TO HELL...

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AND SUDDENLY I FELT  A FEELING THAT I THOUGHT WAS LONG GONE. HOW COULD A MEMORY THAT

 






WAS  SO EFFERVESCENT BRING SO MUCH GRIEF? WHY DOES IT HURT TO THINK ABOUT YOU?





 
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