Quotes added on Sunday, April 24 2016

Can I be Eminem's brother? Skittle's
Why do men have to be so difficult? Why do real relationships take so much work? I thought that once I had Aurora he would grow up at least a little more. He still hardly listens to me though. And in order to get him to do what he needs to I have to not just tell him but also show him how I'm upset after he hasn't done it after so many times of being told. I'm afraid to move back in with him because I don't think things will change for the better. I love him, I really really do. But he needs to be a good dad for Aurora, and he needs to be a good boyfriend to me. He also really needs to get his priorities straight.
My beautiful baby girl is my life now. Everything that I do is for her. I only want the best for her.
No matter where how far you wander
For a thousand years or longer
I will always be there for you
Right here with you

You're so amazing you shine like the stars
You're so amazing the beauty you are
You came blazing right into my heart
You're so amazing you are...
I love you so much
Even more than you know
And every day I watch you grow
It's been 10 weeks already
And you're growing like a weed
You're the only love that I need
Your smile is perfect
And your voice is so sweet
Everything about you is so neat
I love you, Aurora
And that won't ever change
push you cross that line, just stay down this time.
hide in yourself, crawl in yourself, you'll have your time.
God i'll make them pay. take it back one day.
i'll end this day, i'll splatter colour on this gray!

  I don't know what's so impossibly  

difficult about apologizing – and meaning it. All my life I've been the ‘bigger’ one, the one who would be first to say sorry to the person or persons I was in conflict with, no matter how minor my faults were or how major theirs were. Friends, family, boyfriends, classmates– I've always been the one asking for forgiveness when they had an equal, if not bigger, part in the problem. But what's more hurtful and tedious than this never-ending pattern of having to take the initiative when i, too, have been wronged, is the accompanying silence on the other end. Not only am I consistently the first one to apologize, I am too often the only one to apologize. Nobody ever seems to think it appropriate or necessary to apologize for what they've done or said to me. Everybody is too f.ucking prideful, too selfish, too whatever to claim their screw-ups. Time and time again I shoulder the weight of the blame on my own, and I'm getting tired. I can't understand why people choke on such a simple word and why they're too weak to add the strength of sincerity behind it. I guess my feelings are of lesser importance than yours. It doesn't matter if they've been hurt too. You can say this flat out, I've already gleaned it from your insistence on remaining hard and cold as stone, rigid in your determination to wait out my inevitable cracking. Mark my words: I won't be approaching you with guilt-filled eyes and regret on my lips this time. It's your turn. And if you're too cowardly to take that step, it's cool. But I'm too full of bitterness and resentment right now for any attempt at reconciliation I make to be genuine. I'm sorry, but for once, I'm not saying sorry. 

  It's pretty upsetting, you know.  

We've never been best friends – we're too different for that kind of closeness – but we've never been enemies, either. I feel like we're approaching that dangerous territory now. Our fights, when we have them, are getting uglier. Our distance following them is getting lengthier. We'd rather complain about each other to Mom than bring the issues to light face to face. We'd rather compete and compare than acknowledge and appreciate each other's strengths and talents. We'd rather stay holed up in our own rooms all day, STUBBORNLY avoiding each other, than swallow our pride and make up. I wish I UNDERSTOOD YOU BETTER, LITTLE SISTER. sOMETIMES i THINK i DO, BUT LIKE SMOKE IN THE WIND, YOU SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS SOUNDLESSLY, AND MY GRASP IS LOST. i WISH YOU UNDERSTOOD ME BETTER, TOO. i'M YOUR SISTER, NOT YOUR PUNCHING BAG. i'M YOUR SISTER, NOT YOUR INFERIOR. i'M YOUR SISTER, NOT YOUR ADVERSARY. i'M YOUR SISTER, NOT A STRANGER. pLEASE STOP TREATING ME LIKE ALL OF THESE things I am not AND START TREATING ME LIKE WHAT i AM, WHAT I should be. It's difficult to be under the same roof and at the same time, worlds away from you. I'm supposed to laugh with you, confide in you and protect you, not fear and resent you. Not feel like I need to be protected from you. I don't know how THIS TRAIN got so off track. i DON'T KNOW HOW OUR RELATIONSHIP, ONCE SOLID AS ROCK, HAS CRUMBLED. Please help me to figure it out. I love you and I hate you and I YEARN to make things right with you. 

you got comfortableyou
stopped appreciating the small moments. You didn’t roll over in bed and embrace each other anymore. You didn’t hold hands in public anymore, you didn’t kiss deeply. You didn’t acknowledge the beauty of it anymore, you didn’t take a second to step back and simply admire what you had in front of you. You stopped choosing each other. You didn’t make time alone a priority. You started working your relationship around your life, rather than striving to work your life around your relationship. You didn’t set aside nights for each other, you didn’t plan dates anymore. You started missing pieces of each other’s life — his award ceremony, her art show; his mother’s birthday party, her graduation. You stopped making an effort, you stopped being there for one another. You stopped embracing the little things that made you fall for them. You stopped laughing at their terrible jokes, stopped smiling whenever they would sing in the shower. You stopped appreciating their sensitivity, you stopped making an effort to learn them and understand them. You stopped telling them every single day what they meant to you. You stopped telling him he was handsome, you stopped calling her beautiful. You stopped letting them know that you appreciated them, that you felt lucky to have them in your life. You just assumed that they knew. Little by little, you got swallowed up in the routine of it all. You stopped growing together, and started growing a part. You stopped loving them the way they deserved to be loved; you stopped fighting for them the way they needed to be fought for. Little by little, you stopped trying. Little by little, you lost them.

 An over-thinker, a go-with-the-flow  

type, a singer, an athlete, a writer, a believer, a follower, a runner, a single mother, a daughter without a father, a girl with anxiety, a man with a broken heart, an over-emotional type, a person who bottles everything inside. It doesn’t matter where you come from or what burdens you carry—you need to stop apologizing for who you are. This is a dizzying world. There are so many wonderful things and people, but so much imperfection. There will be moments that build you up and moments that break you, love that makes you falter and love that makes your heart sing. There will be people you learn from and people you lose, pain you experience, and euphoria that makes you forget everything else. But in all of this, you will grow. You will shift, you will change, you will try to find your path, and you will create yourself, again and again as you go. This is normal. This is life. Unfortunately, as this happens, you will come across opposition. You will meet people whose personalities won’t mesh well with yours, you will meet individuals who disagree, or even those who flat-out dislike you. And you will think you have to change for them. But you don’t. Ever. You will forever be changing, but not for another person. Not for the sake of making things easier, not because you feel forced, and not because of love. Your existence on this earth is impermanent and your time is too short to let others’ opinions change the way you feel about yourself. So don’t let them. Stop apologizing for who you are and just be. Be silly, be strange, be happy, be crazy, be independent, be in love, be unafraid, be nervous, be strong, be okay with leaning on someone else. Be whatever the hell you want. Be you. It’s okay to change, to become something else, to return to your roots or run as far as you can from them. It’s okay to make mistakes, to apologize, to forgive, to let go. It’s okay to be all the things you are and be them proudly. So please, do just that. 

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