Quotes added on Wednesday, July 20 2016

Today’s happiness depends on yesterday’s choice, just as today’s choice will determine tomorrow’s happiness.



Hey, how you doing?
Well I'm doing just fine. I lied,
I'm dying inside.
 

 
"I can say a thousand words but go unnoticed,
one can say three to four words or so and make everyone cry."
I WANT TO BE AS OPEN AS THE SKY. I DON'T WANT EVERY MINUTE TO FEEL LIKE A GOODBYE.

 

I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. I CAN'T CLOSE MY EYES WITHOUT YOU IN MY DREAMS.


 

I WON'T CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP LIKE A SUCKER. I WON'T CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP, IF I DO I'LL DIE. NOW YOU FALL ASLEEP WITH ANOTHER.



 





out of everything
you did what might have hurt the most is how you repeatedly brought up past incidences and mistakes that I was ashamed of and just wanted to forget. Not even during an argument, either; you would bring these things up in the middle of a normal conversation and thought it was so amusing that it ever happened, while I stopped mid-sentence, my cheeks burning, my stomach churning. You knew how insecure I was and how much I valued your perspective of me and to have you often and casually remind me of occasions I'd humiliated myself in front of or for you was like a slap in the face or a punch in the gut. It let me know that how you actually saw me wasn't very different from how I saw myself. And, for some reason, I would have done anything to change that, but no matter how I tried to redeem myself, events long over and done with would still be reexamined when you wanted something to laugh about. I never laughed with you (how could I when my throat closed up like a fist was wrapped around it and my mind was a flashing red panic system of threatened security?) and you always noticed but it was never enough to make you stop. It was all you needed to continue. And for giving you that leverage I blamed myself as much as I blamed you for being a toxic dump when you could have been a field of daisies.


 Pushing people – kind, caring, nontoxic 

people who are concerned for and contribute to your happiness and well-being – away simply to ascertain they “care enough” to come running after your needy a.ss and pledge their undying love only for you to be able to rinse and repeat next time things aren't going your way is unfair and laughably childish.

Sulking, avoiding clear honest communication and being a generally passive aggressive a
.sshole just for the sake of receiving attention to confirm the existence, and assess the quality, of love in a personal relationship of any kind with someone else is not how you go about fixing hurt feelings. It can be, however, how you cause unneeded tension, confusion, and deeper hurt.

You cannot dismiss people's efforts as absent or inadequate when they aren't being shown in the exact way that you want to see them. You cannot impose ridiculous ideals and expectations upon people and throw fits when these fantasies are proven separate from reality. You cannot make drama a recurring theme in your relationships and cry foul when it becomes too much for other people and they decide to finally put their own feelings first. You cannot treat people badly just to see if they'll treat you well and proceed to get upset when they respond negatively to your negativity.

Constantly chasing someone who is never satisfied with and appreciative of what you can give them and always having to validate their worth – that they refuse to recognize and accept themselves – gets exhausting.

Blaming people and marking them unworthy for being unable or unwilling to drop everything to cater to unpredictable, irrational mood swings will not earn you any new friendships or help to maintain current ones.

If you're craving consolation and the knowledge that somebody cares, talk to them. Be around them. Accept any supportive gestures they offer, no matter how small or ordinary you think they are. Help people to help you.

Closing yourself off and adopting a victim mentality that you parade in front of others in order to receive sympathy isn't going to make anybody, least of all yourself, feel better. Do not play mind games and leave people alone in the dark to figure out what your problem is and get angry when they can't assume the role of mind reader because “if they truly cared they'd just know”. Do not give out apathy and demand enthusiasm in return.

Because if you do these things, you are probably the bad friend you're so intent on sniffing out. And you're going to be sorry when everyone is gone because you made them fight an uphill battle to prove their sincerity when they were there.
I'm starting to slowly reach that point in my life where I'm so used to everything. People talking about you behind your back. People hating you for no reason. People hurting you and not caring that they did. Promises will be broken even though they were promised. There are people you used to talk to every day that you will never speak to again. The truth is, I can't care anymore, it hurts me and it's too tiring. So I'm used to it.
My greatest crime was
choosing the wrong friends.

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