Quotes added on Friday, August 5 2016

Those who are not Free, can't even climb a Tree .... Forget about them being what they want to Be!
It's your birthday today. You've been out of my life for two years now, and while I no longer feel any profound emotion when I think about you, I can still perfectly recall the features of your sometimes cruel face, your throaty voice and loud laugh...and your birthday. I don't think I'm ever going to forget it. How can you forget the day someone who would eventually impact and devastate your world was born? Somewhere, eighteen years ago, you were pulled kicking and screaming into this unfair world to be placed in the loveless arms of parents who would give you a name and little else. This day eighteen years past was one of the few in your life that knew whole, uncorrupted peace and innocence. And now that I don't get to celebrate it with you, I find myself wondering how you do. Where are you right now? Who is with you? Are you wearing an empty smile and a party hat as flames dance in your world-weary eyes and singing voices clash and swell in your ears? Are you drowning your demons in alcohol, the same way your parents often tried, hoping to forget this day ever happened the way it did? (It's no use, the fire burning in your throat and the reverberating ache of your hollow soul remind you that you're alive and stuck in a world that never wanted you.) Or are you, by some miracle of this fickle universe, actually happy? I hope so. That's all I ever wanted for you, you know. Even when I was crying and bleeding and you threatened to break me into pieces smaller than yours, I wished you happiness. And I wish you strong, gentle hands that hold your bruised heart with a securer grip than my own trembling fingers were capable of. And I wish you the same knowledge I've gained: that this day did happen for a reason. You happened for a reason. 

When you stop and take a good look around,
you freeze and rethink of all the good things and bad things that have happened to you.
 You never think the last time is the last time.
You never think you'd be thinking about a life without that certain someone,
you don't think time would stop ticking.
You freeze and feel empty, but you stop looking around you
take a deep breath in and know that it's in the past.
You can let the past destroy you or you can learn from it.
I am still learning how to let me past teach me.
I'm still healing, time takes forever.
 I am learning how to slow down and for the time being,
I'm enjoying myself and being myself.
But sometimes I wonder
who am I, where do I belong, what am I doing.  

even though you swear it has                                                                                                           nothing to do with me, i'm still
                                                                           going to think that it was at                                                                                                             least  somewhat my fault.


Did you

ever love





or Did you never want to be




     sometimes i beat DEAD HORSES
in hopes of bringing them

Don'DefinyouWorliBLACK & WHITE,
Because there is so much more hidInG amongst the GREYS.

I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath.

you are free to go. There is no one guarding the door, keeping you prisoner, preventing you from going. Go, if you want. I will not stop you. I can’t. If you go, you must take the pieces with you. The pieces of our life together — the scraps, the faded memories, the beautiful moments and the broken ones. I will not be the one to clean them up. You must take the pieces and, if you do, I hope you look at them, each and every one. I hope you see them for what they are: little miracles, evidence that two hearts can meld into a single, steady beat and continue beating even if they’re split someday down the line. Take the pieces and hold them up to the light. Look how they shine, how the whole world can change color by viewing it through their lens. Remember what it was like to see rose-tinted and everything seemed to be blooming. You are free to go but before you take the pieces, look at what we built before we break it. We have built mountains monuments meteors. What we have built is worth at least a second look. I may feel like a desperate grab, porcelain falling from a shelf, but porcelain is precious for a reason. Because I don’t want you to take the pieces when you go. You are free to go but instead of pieces I want wholes, worlds and completes and absolutes. I want you to stay and build more meteors with me until the universe can see how bright we burn even in the black depths of space. So stay even though, in pieces, I have set you free.

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