Quotes added on Monday, August 22 2016

When I kept my expression coolly aloof, you'd complain that I wasn't happy enough, that being around my lack of emotion was draining all of yours. When I cried openly in front of you, you were disgusted that anyone could be so full of drama and promptly ran for the safer shelter of someone else's company until I ‘got over myself’. When I laughed freely and truly, tears of mirth streaking down my face and my breaths coming in short hysterical gasps because what had caused the gleeful outburst was just too funny for a quiet giggle to do it justice, you voiced your opinion that the sound was too loud, too ugly, too much like some wild animal. And that was the problem: you didn't let me feel what I wanted to feel, in the way that I wanted to feel it. My emotions weren't valid unless they were the ones you wanted to see in that moment. I think sometimes you didn't even view me as a human, but as a robot whose buttons you could press to get a particular output. You tried to polish me to a flawless shine, but found that my metal was too rusted. You tried to reprogram my wires, but your nerves frayed from one too many shocks. In the end you realized I was equipped with my own defenses and would only outsmart you, so you dismantled me and fled. I was left to clumsily reassemble my parts and pieces in the junkyard of my heart. I won't be in mint condition for the next person whose hands I fall into, but I won't be seen as scraps to be repaired, either. I'll be recognized as a beating heart, an independent mind, a warm body of soft flesh that collapses under too much pressure and builds itself back up; something sentient and perfectly functioning as is. I am not a machine in need of oil for my creaking hinges, the dents in my armor do not need to be glossed over. What needs reconstruction is the way you treat those you claim to love.





The power to bring me out of solitude – or to push me back into it – had never belonged to another person. It was mine and only mine.


 

format-br0kenwings LEAVE THIS HERE PLEASE.





 
And if you feel you're sinking,
I will jump right over into
cold, cold water for you.
And although time may take
us into different places, I will
still be patient with you. And I
hope you know I won't let go,
I'll be your lifeline tonight. 

© format coded by: br0kenwings
Please don't remove this, or make it invisible!
Image is from weheartit, photographer unknown.
FAITH creates Energy that makes Success possible. DOUBT paralyses and makes the possible impossible.
it's been six weeks since I last saw you
but this week you'll be with me 
for a very short time
only to leave me again

and I tried to get over this feeling
of needing you while you don't
need me
I text my ex boyfriend and cancel the date
last minute 

accepting that at least for now
my heart is stuck with you
so I google "how to be so good in bed
so he won't leave"
I get tips on how to give head
not how to get in his head

it will always be like this
because my brain is a nomad
but my heart settled while you
are not that into me
so I'll play the part
of being available always
and smiling for the scraps you give
until your or my heart
decide to change
Don't worry Be happy.
And I
NEVER saw
You Coming,
And I'll
NEVER be
the Same.
-Taylor Swift 
"State of Grace"
We do not remember our lives in a linear manner, viewing one incident following another, but rather as a mix of the actual and the hoped-for, of promise and regret.




Loving him

is like

trying to

change your

mind once

you're already

flying through

the free fall,

like the

colors in Autumn,

so bright

just before

you LOSE

IT ALL...



 



  




 


Every breath I breathe
and every step I take,
the clock keeps ticking
bringin' me closer to fate.

 
They say the good die young, I must be on my way

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