Quotes added on Tuesday, January 3 2017

Why'd you hafta leave me when I needed you the most?
-Charlie Puth, See You Again
Its only confusing because I love the both of you. He never treated me right so you know that statement was bullshit itself. I didnt want to start a war or have an arguement with you; but I thought you needed to know you arent completely erased. To leave him in that moment would have been a complete disaster because he was drunk; always drunk. I guess i signed up for this road so clearly here I am still trying to pursue it. You &' I both know after all of this we could never be how we once were. Im not trying to bullshit you or try and do anything with these posts; just to write to you 'cause I miss you I suppose.

A little darkness, in itself, at the time, is nothing. You think no more about it and you go on. But I know what darkness is, it accumulates, thickens, then suddenly bursts and drowns everything.



let it die.
        LET THERE BE A        
new beginning. it's awful. GOODNIGHT.


To all the devils, l.usts, passions, greeds, envies, loves, hates, strange desires, enemies ghostly and real, the army of memories, with which I do battle — may they never give me peace.



If you must know, this is what I'm scared of. I'm scared that everyone else is more who they are than I am who I am. I think everyone else just looks at the things they feel or think and says “Of course this is what I feel or think, this is who I am.”
But I am never sure of what I feel or think.
And I'm scared because I'm holding all the things I could feel or think on a boat that the slightest breeze could tip over and if that happens, I will fall with all of it into the water. I am scared I will be left with nothing and no idea who I am.
I am scared of the wind.

But love's like a needle on a record, taking parts of you away as it draws sharply and constantly across the heart, in slow descending circles, just to hear a song hidden in the scratches one more time.


You drive too slowly down the streets where you once lived but you roll up your windows when you stop at the lights (just in case any of the ghosts try to get in).


five things i learned about myself last year

1. i am not impatient. i am restless.
2. i'm not a people pleaser.
3. practicing reckless optimism is not nearly as hard as knowing when to let it go.
4. the third cigarette is the hardest to light.
5. i can cry. i just have to let myself. 

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