You did make me feel worse. I was going to come back because I
found a letter I wrote to you for your 18th birthday. I was going
to give it to you and leave; not say a word to you because you
hurt my feelings. But you know what? Maybe the harshness is what
I need to hear; but I dont want to hear it from you. I can take
it from amyone else; hell I can take the world falling apart at
my feet and being pulled in every possible direction because Ive
learned to just cope with whatever is being thrown at me. But I
cant take it from you. I cant take it when youre saying youre
still mine. &' I sure as hell cant take you saying your in a
relationship that isnt right because of me. I just cant. I hurt
myself. I do. Im always drunk. Always high. Always trying to find
things to keep my mind off the fact that I feel so, so alone. I
hate that Im still, even after all if this time, Im trying so
desperately to find anything to put a little happiness back into
my life. Your smile, your freakin laugh. I dont know why we keep
meeting up. Its tearing me apart. How do you expect me to be on
the swings with you one minute then a few hours later be right
next to him. Right back to the person that makes me feel like Im
nothing. But its my fault, I know. &" Just so you know, I camt
ever sleep either. I want to run away forever but theres no way
to do it. Ive thought of every possibility and you know what, Ill
find a way to cope. I always do.