Quotes added on Friday, May 19 2017
How isnt it? only then will I have no memmory of you. No memmories
of us together. No memory of love. Only then will I no longer be
miserbale without you. I dont want to live in a world where your
not mine. Let alone in the smallest town in califonia. I dont want
to live if its not with you but Im fighting too. How is it fair
that you get ti wake up with him every morning when he doesnt
deserve you? when you know its suppose to be us against the world.
Hows any of that fair??
When Passion meets Inspiration, an Obsession is born.
But why can't we be together? just because were both with other
people. Just because you feel like you cant escape him but in all
reality you can. Think the truth is your just not ready to let him
go. Why else would there be so many excuses.
(Thursday @12:47)
(Thursday @12:47)
Why don't you smile a little harder when you see me? Why do
you always sit so close? I always see you. Was this fated, or all
coincidence? You're my type. You're shy and kind. I want
to get to know the other sides of you. Next time reciprocate my
wide smile, do you feel anything? Sit closer to me, do you feel
anything? I get confused when you look for me in the room, then
quickly turn around. Is it the shyness? Am I reading too much
into this? I just wish I could read your thoughts.
It was in the summer
of yes
that I learned to live.
that I learned to live.
Before you, I was terrified of being in
love.
I had seen it fall apart too many time and I wanted nothing to do with that. I had seen it make my sister go crazy and get hurt and cry in the corner of our bedroom. I had seem it make my friends forget how to love themselves. I saw how hard it hit and how fast and at the same time, how beatiful it made someones life look. And I had even thought I found it once. But I was wrong and I broke someone the same way I watched it break everyone else.
And for that I'm not sure I ever forgave myself.
And so I swore that if it showed up again, I would just say no.
But that was the thing about you.
When I met you, thats not what it was like. You didnt offer me crazy love right away. You just sat with me and listened to me until 4a.m. You told me funny stories and tried to make me laugh. you were always there And then it came slowly. Like a sunrise creping out and softly shining its light until the whole shy becoems a bit brighter. Bit by bit everything catches the light and the whole sky lights up. And if you stand in the middle of thhis light you feel warm and safe and you're not worried about what will happen when the light goes away. You just know that standing in the sun, is exactly where you're supposed to be.
And thats what loving you was like.
I had seen it fall apart too many time and I wanted nothing to do with that. I had seen it make my sister go crazy and get hurt and cry in the corner of our bedroom. I had seem it make my friends forget how to love themselves. I saw how hard it hit and how fast and at the same time, how beatiful it made someones life look. And I had even thought I found it once. But I was wrong and I broke someone the same way I watched it break everyone else.
And for that I'm not sure I ever forgave myself.
And so I swore that if it showed up again, I would just say no.
But that was the thing about you.
When I met you, thats not what it was like. You didnt offer me crazy love right away. You just sat with me and listened to me until 4a.m. You told me funny stories and tried to make me laugh. you were always there And then it came slowly. Like a sunrise creping out and softly shining its light until the whole shy becoems a bit brighter. Bit by bit everything catches the light and the whole sky lights up. And if you stand in the middle of thhis light you feel warm and safe and you're not worried about what will happen when the light goes away. You just know that standing in the sun, is exactly where you're supposed to be.
And thats what loving you was like.
-excerpt from a book I'll never write// thats why I call you my sunshine //
IF IT'S NOT REAL,
YOU CAN'T HOLD IT IN YOUR HAND,
YOU CAN'T FEEL IT WITH YOUR HEART,
AND I WON'T BELIEVE IT.
it's getting
harder to
believe in
anything
than just to
get lost
in all
my selfish thoughts...
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