Quotes added on Tuesday, September 19 2017

I don’t know if I’m good or evil, but I know I’m special.
Mommy told me so.
I have all those same thoughts, way too often. Brought Ethan up to see gma dale ; she said that i was following my moms footsteps with all of this. Ive been wearing that blue turtle necklace we got together. She noticed it right away and asked isnt that what you got with her? So that was a nice slap to the face. (5:37 on tues)
Following her foot steps as in with katie and adam? I'm surprised she remembered I honestly probably wouldn't of. I haven't seen any of that stuff in a while. Honestly didn't even remember your snapchat name had to sync my contacts. I miss that woman though. She reminds me so much of my nanny. My heart would break everytime I thought if we waited too long to get maried she might miss it. Or she wouldn't see our baby. 5:42
two bowls
unintentional diet? check
probable relapse? check
still actually not hungry? check

 To my favorite person in the world, 

I know things are over, and I know that means I don't get to create new memories with you. I know I have told you not to talk to me again, but everyday I talk to you, sometimes in whispers, sometimes in sobs, but everyday I do. I know a lot of things now and one of them is how incredibly I miss you, but how that alone is not a great enough incentive to get us to talk again anymore. I know what we had was special and invaluable, and I know it because I know a lot of people, a hell of a lot of them, and still nothing makes up for the fact that we won't get to stroll around aimlessly together anymore. I know I am sad, I can feel it everyday as I lay my head down to sleep, and I know why I am so, but I also know that I have tried with all my heart for the both of us and it went in vain. I know what would feel good and what is right to do, and it aches me that this time they are two completely different things. I know I had you. I know I lost you.I know things are sh|tty. I know it's aready been a while. I know I should've been feeling better. BUT I AM NOT.And that's okay, or at least that's what they say. The one thing I DON'T know is whether this will end up being just a break or a good-luck-in-another-lifetime kind of thing. And it's scary how I DON'T know which of them would be a better option. I DON'T know why I'm writing this as well, but I guess if I ever figure out why I still talk to you in my head everyday, I'll figure out the rest of this. 

LOVE, always.
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