Quotes added on Saturday, October 21 2017

With Time, you can create Money, but with Money you cannot create Time. So Time is more valuable than Money.
Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around inebriated.
I often wonder how good of a granddaughter I was. It bothers me to the point of tears sometimes. I don't know if I could have been better but I think it's a possibility. Did I ever seem moody when all you were doing was being kind? Were there times I failed to smile at you, hug you as tightly as you hugged me, appreciate any of the gifts you gave me on holidays? Did you ever think I didn't want to be with you all those times I turned down going to the bay house on weekends? Did I ever come off as reluctant and unwelcoming when you spent the night and I had to share my room? Did I ever sound disinterested or eager to hand off the phone to Mom when you called and rambled good naturedly? Did I ever comment with even a hint of criticism on something you worked hard on or something that was an innate part of you? Did I ever ruin your day, deeply upset you when I did something mildly inconsiderate or childish? I remember the last argument we ever had, when I had said in a melancholy tone that I felt I had a boring life and no friends, and you got frustrated and yelled and ranted that I was failing to see the good things I have and that I wasn't going out of my way to bring change, and I know this fiery indignation was because you loved me and wanted me to be happy and hated that I felt so down. All you ever did was help me and think about me and look after me. Did I return the favor? Did my efforts match yours? Did you always know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were an amazing and irreplaceable part of my life, just as I knew I was to yours? I keep telling myself if you did have any doubts they must've surely been erased when you saw how I couldn't hold back my tears when I looked at you in the hospital bed that first time, or when I talked to you on the phone and said I miss you through a sudden outburst of tears because I was already thinking ahead to this time, when I would be without you forever, or how I took off work without hesitation so I could have more opportunities to visit you. But I don't know if I'm just kidding myself. I wish I could find out for sure. I wish I could get a sign right now that you know, that you always knew. I hope I never failed you, and if I did I hope you forgive me because I'm not good at forgiving myself.

I'm so sorry Maw Maw.


I'm not giving up hope. 
Im holding on by a little piece of frail string. 
But I'm not giving up


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