Quotes added on Saturday, December 16 2017
Of
what use is your Wealth and Kingdom if you don't have the
Liberation and Freedom to Be what you want to Be.
I've never had a deep conversations friend. I've
never had they know my everything friend. I've never had the
they understand me friend. I've never ever felt fully
included. I've had close friends, but I always knew there was
this imaginary line that I couldn't cross. That there was
always a part of me that they wouldn't be accepting of. When
I was younger I had so many friendship groups. I had a group at
school, and another friend group at Saturday school. The Saturday
school was filled with kids from my ethnic community. It was
great. Randomly one day, this girl told me that my Saturday
friend group didn't like me anymore. That they didn't
want to be my friend anymore. I regret not asking why because
till this day I see them round, and at the back of my mind I
wonder why they decided I wasn't good enough to be their
friend. I really distanced myself after that. I was really
friendly and outspoken when I was younger. Looking back that was
a sad turning point for me. I became a lot more self conscious. A
lot more introverted and internalised everything. Nowadays they
probably have forgotten about that incident and think I'm
just unapproachable and stuck up. It just sucks sometimes. I feel
like I'm missing out in the full community experience since I
don't have any of them as my friends. Our relationship has
gotten way too awkward now. My friend group at my school was in
shambles around the same time. My best friend moved states and so
I made new friends. With a bully. She bullied me about
everything. My weight, being the main thing. What sucks looking
back, is that I believed that I was fat. I was tiny! But I stuck
with her because I felt like I had no other friends up until the
end of middle school. When I quit being friends with her she
threatened to self harm. I ignored her. That's the most
selfish thing I've ever done. She sought help, but I never
turned back. We still have this awkward friendship going. After
her I made new friends. The friend group I have now. They're
okay. Very superficial. I never talk about my feelings, just
school related stress is as deep as the conversation goes. I
never talk about my family situation. My depression. My life
goals. It kinda sucks. I always hope I'll come across a new
friend, one I can open up to. Sometimes I wonder if it's just
a flaw in my personality. Maybe I'm not meant to have
friends. But I'd like to believe that there's someone out
there for me. If not only a friendship, maybe even a romantic
relationship too. Yeah, a soulmate. That'd be nice.
