Quotes added on Thursday, February 22 2018

With another night came a stabbing text. Breakup was what it meant. I replied with a smile. She came close and kissed me goodbye.It was 14th Feb again.I went out again.I kissed again.I made a promise "we will never part away my dear" looking at the beer bottle in my hand".

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Just this year. I'll be stupidly hopeful for one more year. If optimism doesn't kill me, I'll do it for the year. I'll get up again day after day. Find something to laugh about, something to smile to myself over. Just little moments like that. I don't need anything more than that. It just can't be forced anymore. Just this year. I'll repeat it like a mantra for more years to come. I hope I don't need it for more years to come. I hope hoping doesn't devastate me more. But it's all I can do for this year. I'll be naive and bright. Once December comes it'll all be different. A good kind of different.

Feeling all the emotions at once. Still, not yet. I can't reach out to you yet. I'm here, I'm still not there yet. Even when you try to close the gap and make it easier for me, I'm not the same. I'm still not there yet. You have this perfect image of me, I almost want to distort it, prove how wrong you are. I feel everything all at once. I know I'll always be trailing behind. You don't mind but I do. It hasn't been fine for a while and still. I don't know how long it'll take. I don't want you to linger around any longer. Your hopes for me don't align with my reality. You should wait, but it could be an eternity. You should, but you shouldn't have to. I'm not fine. You don't have to wait it out. I still feel everything at once. Still, time must have stopped.

You don't know the full story. You will never know the full story. All you can do is support or overlook. Pass judgement but that's all you know. I don't have to prove anything. I won't excuse myself but I haven't disregarded any of my responsibilities as your friend. Why is it so hard for me to respond to your texts? Why do I hate seeing a new message? Why do I dread hanging out so much? Is it a flaw in my personality? God knows. But you don't. You'll never know the full story because I've never trusted you enough to share it. I don't know if I should feel bad, honestly. I just feel drained half the time. Wish I knew true friendship. I have an idea but that may be too idealistic. Idk.

"Donot allow your loneliness to lower your standards". Read that again.

~One day, we said it'll be only us. Nobody else. ~One day, we said it's over. We were through.~One day, I wanted you to call me, just so I had a reason to yell.~One day, I told everybody, including me, I was happy.~One day, I said I wouldn't shed a tear.~One day, I never thought it'd be me, calling you.

They tell me to "move on with your life".~But what am I supposed to do with the life we made that was meant to be ours? ~We combined our lives together, never thought we would need reason to separate.~Except, that was just me.~You always had a backup plan.~I was a distraction.~Or was the act you put on distracting me?~How do I move on with the life that was meant to be ours...~How will I move on with the life I supposedly had, whilst you went behind my back and made a new one?