i knew it would be hard. it has always
been hard. i knew it would take long. i knew it would be like
this. i almost regret having any optimism. false
hopes. overqualified. underqualified.
somewhere in between. overall not good enough. not what
we're looking for. goodluck next time. we'll keep it on
record, just in case. but at the end
of the day it still comes back to not what we're looking
for. overqualified. underqualified.
"thank you"s in between. a bunch of "not
successfuls" and "but"s. am i at the stage where
it's still too early to give in? because i really want to.
i'm qualified for more rejections and ego blows. unqualified
for any good that could come beyond that. good intentions
don't mean anything. sounds good or awful on paper. in person
can't pull it off. masked in disadvantage. obstacles galore.
i will overcome this all one day. i know.
but it's always the right now that is hard. and one
day is not my life. my life is right now and right now is