Quotes added on Wednesday, February 12 2020

i feel you get to me sometimes. i block you out but you keep tapping on my window. you say you love me but it's always been conditional. if i let you in again, the cycle just repeats. keep tapping away. that's all you know anyway...and i can't blame you for that. but at the same time, i can't be empathetic this time. this isn't a small favour. i lost interest in being 'the good daughter' a while ago. if i was never your 1st place then what's the point of racking brownie points and bending over backwards to make you happy? you had my respect when i thought you knew best and only wanted the best for me. i still love you. a part of my heart is designated to you...i've tried removing it but it won't budge. the thing is that i love myself more. i have to love myself enough for the both of us. because you have other priorities. meanwhile i'm my only priority. i don't get the luxury of having a plan B. this isn't a small favour. you can't make me out to be the odd one. this is important to me. this is my life. when will you understand?
i'm fortunate to be comfortable enough with myself that i don't fear being alone. communication is important to me. it becomes important when you run into the language barrier with your parents on a daily basis. when expressing yourself is the most difficult thing to do. miscommunication galore. only clear communication done through an older sibling who has a better grasp of the other language. they're the middleman gatekeeper to having a deep conversation with my own parents. my trail of thought patched together with english. having to use elaborate confused sentences to describe how i'm doing. it's a whole headache. clear communication is very important to me. i don't want to keep being misunderstood. the idea of having no one to express my deepest thoughts and feelings to scares me more than being alone ever would.
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