Quotes added on Friday, March 13 2020

i'll paint it for you in a decorated way. when i step outside this door, i become the other. don't ask for directions, i must not be from here. i smile when new eyes meet mine. gotta be friendly, but not too approachable. pump up the music in my earphones. just ignore them, i'm perfectly fine. is it hayfever or am i sad somewhere deep inside. doesn't matter, i have a busy day today. i distract myself with thoughts of you. i won't be other when i'm back with you. wind in my eyes, i blink it away. preoccupied with how i look on the outside. sometimes i think about what it would be like to have a shrink dissect my story. i know why i'm like this. but knowing doesn't make it easier to live with. i just look forward for the day to end. i've always been like this. everything but you is difficult. the rare times we fight, i feel like my world is ending. i'm independent in all aspects of my life, but i really like you. when you're unhappy with me, i hate myself. if you scowl, i want the world to swallow me up there and then. i should sort through this with someone. it must not be healthy. i'm so insecure when it comes to this. you dictate how i feel. it's not like you're bad, you're simply human too. i can't expect you to make me happy all the time. 
living the life of someone who's living for someone else. in an ever so slightly desperate way, you're all i hang around for. net under the tight rope. when i get off work and get in your car, do you know how i feel? it's like a thick layer of stress is immediatley stripped away. do you know how beautiful your smile is? i feel so reassured when you smile at me. i tell you all the time. if you smile at me while we're arguing, it's game over for me. i'm so hopelessly smitten. you know how i'm like. i'm not excitable at all. intimidating and unapproachable. the dark cloud that looms above me turns into cotton candy. i'm the giddy puppy love type when you're around. complete 180. wrapped around your fingers. not letting go anytime soon. tell me more about how your day went. i'm all ears, eyes and heart. so smitten, you must have cursed me or something. it's the only possible explaination.
You say 'chaos theory' like there's some other kind.
'Do or do not?' 

... Don't we do or do not already, pretty much all the time?
You can only wish someone Happy Pi Day once a year.  But if you get up early enough, you can wish them Happy Pi Moment twice every 24 hours!
when you get sick of me-- no i have to get sick of you first. odd upper under hand ideology. why can't we be equals? why am i competitive in even love? it's just the two of us but i don't know anything else. i have to love you harder, get sick of you quicker. i get sick of people. is it normal? i'm already worried about you getting sick of me. it's stupid. it's not cute. when i'm sick of someone i stop caring. i stop making time, i stop playing nice. playing nice. even in my stream of consciousness this comes out. it's all acting, playing. my true feelings are coming out. i love you but even now i worry about who will fall out of love first. burdened and anxious over useless concerns. i'll cross that bridge when i get to it, i can't just burn it now. that's all i know. upper hand, under hand. insecure mess who needs you to feel important. if you don't like me anymore then i don't like me. it's dangerous. 
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