Perhaps i was hurt because without knowing it,
i had started to lean on you. at some point you were a comfort to
me. a ghost of a person i could unload some of my burdens to. why
did you have to make yourself so unlikeable? the invisible wall i
leaned on vanished. now my heart is troubled, knees are scraped.
in my eyes you're the enemy for hurting me. my mind protects
me and makes you the enemy. the pain that swirls in every cell of
my body. your name that must have offered comfort at some time.
but now my heart sinks, eyes sting and mind becomes blank. i
blame myself for not being enough for myself. i blame myself for
not being able to depend on only myself. without knowing, i would
lean on you. still when i see you...sometimes i feel a slight
change. a small burden is lifted. i blame myself for these
complex feelings. with family it's always complex feelings.
sharing parents who favour you, but burden us both the same. i
hated you but needed you and for that i'm burdened with these