Hot Funny Quotes

MyCousinsSoBlonde;;
she got [locked in the b a t h r o o m]
& almost peed her pants .
 
quote number 1173740
filed under funny
  86

YOUR MOM.

What's with you and my mother?
quote number 1173628
filed under funny
  34
I Hate It When People Ask
1) Can I ask you a question? (didnt gimme a choice there, did ya sunshine?)
2) Did you get a haircut? (no it shrunk..)
3) Did you lose weight? (yeah. it just vanished.)
4) Did you catch a fish? (nope. i talked it into giving himself up.)
5) *waiter* Table for how many? (one hundred and twelve. us 3 would like to switch seats every 4 minutes)
6) Were you sitting there? (yes. me and my imaginary friend martin.)
7) Your not wearing that out are you? (actually, i was planning on going naked)
8) Is that yours? (no i stole it...)
9) *watching a trick* Am i supposed to pick a card? (no your supposed to pick your nose?)
10) Are you going to eat that? (only if you want it)
11) *doctor* How are you today? (Great! I just like your company)
12) *clerk at store* Is that all? (actually. i'm hiding the rest. but you can't have it...)
13) Where did you get that accent? (i bought it on ebay)
 14) Hey, are you moving? (nope. we just like to pack our stuff up in boxes every week)
15) Are you always funny? (no, i only make a special effort on tuesdays and thursdays)


_____  credittt :D _______
((_____i love this!!_____))




quote number 1173593
filed under funny
  25
 LESSON OF THE DAY.
never put grapes in the microwave.
they MIGHT explode.
quote number 1173768
filed under funny
  20
I would like Michael Jackson way more if he was the King of
PPSICLES.
quote number 1173643
filed under funny
  19
Today,
I changed my dad's name in my contacts to Darth Vader,
And then promptly forgot who it was. 
He texted me, and I asked who it was.
He said "
I am your father."
quote number 1173817
filed under funny
  18
Come to the light side.
We have stolen the dark sides cookies!
quote number 1173752
filed under funny
  18
Did you know............
that if you say "bear can" with a British accent, it sounds like you're saying "bacon" with a Jamaican accent!



lol this blew my mind! 
it really works!
if you tried and then fav!!





quote number 1174689
filed under funny
  17
 G    i     r     l     s   ,
we must learn that we can't be nice to everyone all the time ;;
there are moments in your life when you need to unleash your inner

B   i   T   C  H   (:
quote number 1173634
filed under funny
  17
Santa    Claus
The code name for a pedifile  that  has  cannot be caught
because he knows when your awake. Think about it...first
he watches children to see  if  the  are being "naughty" or
"nice"  then  on  christmas eve he breaks into home in the
middle of the night,  leaves  "presents"  for little "boys and
girls", eat ALL the cookies and drinks up all the white stuff
then     leaves     with     a     sadistic     
"ho     ho     ho".

kid1* did santa claus come to your house last night?
kid2* i...i don't wanna talk about it *bursts into tears*
- urbandictionary.com

quote number 1173951
filed under funny
  14

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