Hot Funny Quotes
i hated going to weddings.
all the grandmas would poke me
and say " you're n e x t " they stopped
when i started doing it to them at
f u n e r a l s .
not minee ! no credit whatsoevuuuur .!?
all the grandmas would poke me
and say " you're n e x t " they stopped
when i started doing it to them at
f u n e r a l s .
not minee ! no credit whatsoevuuuur .!?
80
What the hell was God thinking?
Hmm I think I'll make girls bleed through
their crotches monthly. That seemsfair.
their crotches monthly. That seems
LITTLE TONY FROM BROOKLYN ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU."
"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married ?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on'," but I like your thinking."
LITTLE TONY ON MATH
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.
"But that's right !" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"
"What's the f ** king difference ?" asks the father.
"That's what I said !"
LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word ?"
Little TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss !!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN !"
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael !"
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just f ** king beautiful !'"
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU."
"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married ?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on'," but I like your thinking."
LITTLE TONY ON MATH
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.
"But that's right !" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"
"What's the f ** king difference ?" asks the father.
"That's what I said !"
LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word ?"
Little TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss !!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN !"
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael !"
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just f ** king beautiful !'"
not mine what so ever.
but i thought it was freakin funny!
but i thought it was freakin funny!
And with every complex problem
there is a simple solution
A few ways to make an aim conversation more interesting/funnier:
1. Start saying "omg omg omg omg omg" and wait for them to freak out and say "whats the matter?!" And then just say; hi.
2. Ask the person your talking to to write you a story.
3. Say; "I know what your doing." They'll say " how?" You reply: "I can see you through the window."
4. Tell them it spells like up dog in your room and theyll say "Whats up dog?" And you reply: "Nothing much.. just chillin.. you?
5. Tell them your brother/sister just fell down the stairs.
6. Say " I g2g my favorite show is on" They'll say "what show?" "Dora the explorer.. durr!"
7. Send a sad face and they'll ask why you are sad, you reply: "cuz i just looked at a picture of your face! :("
8. Send random drawings. For example:
() ()
(oo)
(uu)O and say "Look! It's a bunny!"
9. Keep changing your font color.
10. Send red, then orange, then yellow, then green, then blue, then purple, then pink, and tell them its a rainbow.
11. Tell them you are moving to Anarctica so they can have your ipod.
12. Send kissy faces even if it is a girl and say "I loveeee yoouuu (: <333"
13. Write random stuff (fajfsaighaigksnaoahg for example) and then tell them your cat jumped on the keyboard.
14. Tell them you g2g because its time for dinner at 3:00.
15. Get quotes off witty and keep sending them randomly.
16. On your away message/status write random stuff about the person you are talking to.
17. Erase your profile and on it write your friends name at the top instead of yours; [_____'s buddy info] and then write a bunch of weird stuff under it.
18. Start bursting out in song.
19. Say you have to go because it is time for your anger management class and then when they say okay bye or lol flip out at them.
20. Tell them you just made a new screename its: I hAtE _____ [<-- their name]
21. Ignore them for awhile.
22. Write in one of the symbol fonts.
**ALL MINE**
Oh my goodness this took me so long!
Hope you like!
Thought these would be pretty funny to do!
[I did some of them]
Rate for mee ;)
2. Ask the person your talking to to write you a story.
3. Say; "I know what your doing." They'll say " how?" You reply: "I can see you through the window."
4. Tell them it spells like up dog in your room and theyll say "Whats up dog?" And you reply: "Nothing much.. just chillin.. you?
5. Tell them your brother/sister just fell down the stairs.
6. Say " I g2g my favorite show is on" They'll say "what show?" "Dora the explorer.. durr!"
7. Send a sad face and they'll ask why you are sad, you reply: "cuz i just looked at a picture of your face! :("
8. Send random drawings. For example:
() ()
(oo)
(uu)O and say "Look! It's a bunny!"
9. Keep changing your font color.
10. Send red, then orange, then yellow, then green, then blue, then purple, then pink, and tell them its a rainbow.
11. Tell them you are moving to Anarctica so they can have your ipod.
12. Send kissy faces even if it is a girl and say "I loveeee yoouuu (: <333"
13. Write random stuff (fajfsaighaigksnaoahg for example) and then tell them your cat jumped on the keyboard.
14. Tell them you g2g because its time for dinner at 3:00.
15. Get quotes off witty and keep sending them randomly.
16. On your away message/status write random stuff about the person you are talking to.
17. Erase your profile and on it write your friends name at the top instead of yours; [_____'s buddy info] and then write a bunch of weird stuff under it.
18. Start bursting out in song.
19. Say you have to go because it is time for your anger management class and then when they say okay bye or lol flip out at them.
20. Tell them you just made a new screename its: I hAtE _____ [<-- their name]
21. Ignore them for awhile.
22. Write in one of the symbol fonts.
**ALL MINE**
Oh my goodness this took me so long!
Hope you like!
Thought these would be pretty funny to do!
[I did some of them]
Rate for mee ;)
Some Stupid Celeb Quotes
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Sheilds
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
-Bob Dole (Republican Presidantial Canidate)
"You guys, line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears
"I think war is a dangerous place."
- George W. Bush
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
- Greg Norman, Golfer
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-Mariah Carey
"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman"
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Danny Ozark, Philedelphia Phillies Manager
"I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."
- Terry Bradshaw, Former football player/announcer
"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa"
— Britney Spears
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
- Fran Lebowitz, US writer
"If only faces could talk..."
- Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl
If it wren't for electricity, we'd all be watching TV by candlelight."
-George Gobel
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President
No need to faveorite, I just thought they were hysterical!"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Sheilds
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
-Bob Dole (Republican Presidantial Canidate)
"You guys, line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears
"I think war is a dangerous place."
- George W. Bush
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
- Greg Norman, Golfer
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-Mariah Carey
"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman"
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Danny Ozark, Philedelphia Phillies Manager
"I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."
- Terry Bradshaw, Former football player/announcer
"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa"
— Britney Spears
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
- Fran Lebowitz, US writer
"If only faces could talk..."
- Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl
If it wren't for electricity, we'd all be watching TV by candlelight."
-George Gobel
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President
diNoSauR ExtiNCtioN
wasn't an accident .
barney came along,
and they all committed
SuiCiDe
wasn't an accident .
barney came along,
and they all committed
SuiCiDe
Don't Drink Water
fish have sex in it
fish have sex in it
Good thing Apple didn't make an iTouch for
kids, because then they would have to call it..
iTouch Kids
** hehehe, hilarious!
kids, because then they would have to call it..
iTouch Kids
** hehehe, hilarious!
I Hate It When People Ask
1) Can I ask you a question? (didnt gimme a choice there, did ya sunshine?)
2) Did you get a haircut? (no it shrunk..!!)
3) Did you lose weight? (yeah. it just vanished!)
4) Did you catch a fish? (nope. i talked it into giving himself up.)
5) *waiter* Table for how many? (one hundred and twelve. us 3 would like to switch seats every 4 minutes)
6) Were you sitting there? (yes. me and my imaginary friend steve.)
7) Your not wearing that out are you? (actually i was planning on going naked)
8) Is that yours? (no i stole it...!)
9) *watching a trick* Am i supposed to pick a card? (no your supposed to pick your nose)
10) Are you going to eat that? (only if you want it)
11) *doctor* How are you today? (Great! I just like your company(: )
12) *clerk at store* Is that all? (why? wasnt this enough??)
13) Where did you get that accent? (i bought it on ebay)
14) Hey, are you moving? (nope. we just like to pack our stuff up in boxes every week)
15) Are you always funny? (no, i only make a special effort on tuesdays and thursdays)
*hope yah likeeee!!(:
1) Can I ask you a question? (didnt gimme a choice there, did ya sunshine?)
2) Did you get a haircut? (no it shrunk..!!)
3) Did you lose weight? (yeah. it just vanished!)
4) Did you catch a fish? (nope. i talked it into giving himself up.)
5) *waiter* Table for how many? (one hundred and twelve. us 3 would like to switch seats every 4 minutes)
6) Were you sitting there? (yes. me and my imaginary friend steve.)
7) Your not wearing that out are you? (actually i was planning on going naked)
8) Is that yours? (no i stole it...!)
9) *watching a trick* Am i supposed to pick a card? (no your supposed to pick your nose)
10) Are you going to eat that? (only if you want it)
11) *doctor* How are you today? (Great! I just like your company(: )
12) *clerk at store* Is that all? (why? wasnt this enough??)
13) Where did you get that accent? (i bought it on ebay)
14) Hey, are you moving? (nope. we just like to pack our stuff up in boxes every week)
15) Are you always funny? (no, i only make a special effort on tuesdays and thursdays)
*hope yah likeeee!!(:
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