I'm sorry you guys. I know how much
stuff like this annoys you all, but I need some opinions. And I
trust you. I'm writing a story, and I have a lot of ideas as to
where I want to take it, but I can't do it alone. If you don't mind
would you please read the beginning and tell me how it is? I know
it isn't super great. I just wrote it really fast to get some of it
on paper.
The rusted door creaked on it’s hinges. Dust lazily made it’s descent towards the floor, visible in the rays of sun that filtered through the roof. A breeze blew through the house, the glass in the windows had been shattered for a long time. Bird nests, old and new, were scattered throughout the old home. The house still retained an odd type of beauty though.
Thank you so much if you read all of this. If you comment I will absolutely love you, and I'll follow you on here. Or I will read anything that you need to be read.
The rusted door creaked on it’s hinges. Dust lazily made it’s descent towards the floor, visible in the rays of sun that filtered through the roof. A breeze blew through the house, the glass in the windows had been shattered for a long time. Bird nests, old and new, were scattered throughout the old home. The house still retained an odd type of beauty though.
Cianna ran her
fingers across the table blanketed with dust. She had always
admired the house. It stood alone on the hill, looking lonely. If
it was really possible to say a house looked lonely. But at the
same time it had a certain feel of majesty about it. The house
was old. Way old. Yet it was still putting up a fight against
nature, and it was doing a pretty good job at keeping everything
at bay.
Cianna sat at the
table tracing shapes in the dust. She had looked through the
drawers and the cabinets hoping to find something interesting.
But found nothing besides disappointment. Either time had taken
it’s toll on all of the houses forgotten treasures or the
previous owners had been sure to keep all of their
possessions.
Cianna pushed away
her feelings of disappointment and looked out at the sky. It was
starting to get dark. She loved the house, but it wasn’t
somewhere she wanted to be at dark. Reluctantly she stood to
leave but as she did a ray of sunlight shone through the glass
and something reflected golden light back at her. Excitedly
Cianna rushed forward as a glimmer of hope ran through her. Maybe
she had found something after all.
Thank you so much if you read all of this. If you comment I will absolutely love you, and I'll follow you on here. Or I will read anything that you need to be read.
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Yeah, I noticed the one of the grammar mistakes after I posted it, and was just too lazy to repost it =/
But I will be sure to fix everything.
Thank you =]
i love the second sentence. it's magical, and i can picture that, which is perfect. a writer should always make a reader picture something.
I love your ideas, your word choice, and the overall feel i get when i'm reading it. i feel like i'm there.
there are a few minor grammar mistakes, such as "it's"; you might want to google and find the rule, for future reference. you also have one sentence fragment: "But found nothing besides disappointment." it's a good phrase, but should be combined with the sentence before it to make it a complete sentence. :]
i would suggest starting the first sentence of the third paragraph as "Cianna sat down at the table.." instead; it makes it clearer that she hasn't been sitting there through the whole time this takes place.
good job. keep writing. the more you do it, the better it gets. also, reading a lot helps your writing enormously. :]