time after time part #43 we were sitting there, when nick trudged

time after time
 part #43

 

we were sitting there, when nick trudged slowly in the door.
"hey mom, i'm home." he called, then he saw her sitting at the table. "mom it's okay." he said, and he ran over and gave her a hug.  he looked up at me.
"rachel?" he asked, shocked.
"hey nick." i said, and stood up.  he wrapped me up in a huge hug.
"i can't believe you're here." he said.
"i had to come." i said, and wiped a tear off his face.
"it means a lot." he offered. 
"nick, we're going to rob's spot.  do you need to shower?"
"yea, really fast." he said, and ran upstairs. we sat in silence for a few moments, until i broke it.
"did you ever end up going through all of his things?" i asked.
"we went through it.  i just couldn't bring myself to throwing it out." his mom said, staring at the table. "there's actually a box of stuff i thought you'd like to have.  al can you go get it?" she asked.
"sure." alex said. 
"do you mind if i come?" i asked.
"no.  you were probably here just as much as rob was." we'd never done anything.  we both promised to wait until marriage, but i'd just slept there a lot when i was too tired to go home myself. i walked up the familiar steps, with pictures of each child going up.  alex had her new sophomore picture up, and we saw nick's college graduation picture, and i saw rob's, which had enough force to make me fall.  it was his perfect face, with blue eyes and blonde buzz cut, with his flashing white smile.  his dimples were chisled in his cheeks, and he looked so happy.  it was unchanging, there would never be a new picture to take that year's spot.  i thought of when i went to get senior portraits.  the chase's will never have that to fill rob's frame.  just a space of what could have been.  i realized i paused on the steps, and i kissed my fingertips, and placed it on the frame, as i walked up the stairs.  rob always hated that his picture was there, but we'd always joke about it.  at the top of the steps, i saw the door to the left, which was alex's, and the vacant one to the right, which was nick's.  straight back, the door was closed.  the familiarity was overwhelming.  alex led me back, and opened the door.  i welled up, and started crying about how similar the room really was.  his walls were white, but there were lacrosse posters everywhere.  his huge full bed was in the middle, and his mahogany wood bureau with the tv on it was straight from the end of his bed, with his bathroom door right next to it.  to the right of the bathroom door was his desk, with the empty space where his computer used to be.  in the corner, there was the university of virginia flag he put up himself.  the bed was stripped, and there was a box on top of it. 
"here, this is for you." alex pointed, and sat down on his desk chair.  i sat down on the bed to go through what was in it.  i remembered the countless hours we'd spent here, just cuddling, talking, laughing, or crying.  planning out our future together, where we would go to college, and what lacrosse schools were good.  he always would kiss me as soon as we were alone in his room.  i'd no sooner get in the door and shut it, he run up and kiss me.  he wasn't huge on p.d.a's, but when it was just the two of us, he was always holding me, kissing me, and telling me how much he cared about me.  i opened the box, and there were a bunch of pictures.  the first one was us at junior prom.  it was the week before his accident.  i remember i had so much fun with him by my side the whole time. i had a pink dress simple strapless dress, and he matched with a black suit, black shirt, and pink tie.  this picture was in a frame, that had 'love' written under it.  there were just a few more simple frames, with pictures of us.  there was one after his lacrosse game, he was in uniform, and i was there, and after he scored the winning goal, he ran off the field to find me, and picked me up and kissed me.  there was another one, of us both wearing our lacrosse jerseys, when the girls team had to escort the guys team out on the field.  one was just me smiling, and he was kissing my cheek.  then, i remembered how i'd bring over a bunch of pictures, and he'd put them up on his wall, "so i'd never spend a moment without thinking about you." was how he put it.  the space on the wall was empty, but in the box, i saw all the pictures neatly stacked up.   under was another hoodie or two of his.  i took a quick look through the first small stack of pictures.  there were a ton just of us being crazy, one at the pool, at the mall, wherever we went together.  there was one of us in a frame that i missed, but there was a copy of it from the wall.  it was one of his cousin's weddings, and he took me.  it was of his whole family, with me in it.  that was his complete picture. 
"i'm sorry." i looked up at alex. "ready?"
"whenever you are." she said, and she got up and walked out of the room.  i picked up my box, and brought it downstairs.  mrs. chase was still sitting at the table, and mr. chase wasn't. 
"thank you so much." i said to mrs. chase. "are you sure you want me to take all of these?" i asked, through tears.
"yes, that's the only way rob would have wanted it." she said.
"well then here, keep this one." i said, and pulled out the one of her family and me in the frame. "this is what i want you to remember me by.  a good memory." i said, and wiped my eyes. "everyone's happy, and that's how it should be.  rob's in a better place now, and i know he's watching me.  he's not suffering, and we'll see him soon enough.  we are alive, healthy, and well.  and that's all we can ask for right now.  i don't want you to remember me a crying now, so just keep this one." i smiled, and she was tearing, and gave me a huge hug.
"thank you dear." she whispered.
"i'm sorry, i have to get back to go play in my game." i smiled.  "i'll be back soon, i promise. thank you for this." i smiled.
"you're welcome dear.  you're always welcome here." mrs.chase said, and i hugged everyone goodbye, before i got in my car to go home.  as soon as i got outside the clouds cleared, and the sun shone down on rob's house. 
"don't worry rob." i whispered.  "we'll all be okay."