Inspirational Quote #2344479
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My Story because everyone should tell theirs. part VI The entire

My Story 
      because everyone should tell theirs.

part VI


 

The entire next week I was in complete turmoil. My heart ached from the stabbing words of my mother and sister, and absence of Kadlec along with my other friends. The guilt of lies still pressed an extra crushing weight on me. I tried to talk to Mandy about how alone and hated I felt. Her words of sympathy were covered with a thin coat of coolness though, and I knew she thought I deserved this for lying. I realized the hole between us was now a gulf and it would never be closed. I felt like baby because of her words, telling me I was overreacting. I knew it really wasn’t that bad, but for me, it was. For a few days, all my emotions were lost. I laughed a hallow laugh. I wanted to cry, but had no tears. I was angry at everyone and everything but without a real reason. I had no more will to fight for who I was, yet the battle continued.  My relationships were tearing apart. I lost one of my friends, my sister, and my mother. Everything inside me hurt and I spent most my day in tears.

            Soon after, I began a three week job. I was thankful for it got me out of the house, but it was mindless work and that meant I was left to daydream. I passed my days imagining picnics, movies and walks with Kadlec. I pictured parties, laughter and craziness with my friends. I lived what was supposed to be the greatest summer of high school in my mind. Each night I would text Kad. It was the only way I could remain connected to her. Our relationship was almost purely continuing through my cell phone.

            A few times in the passing weeks, I managed to break out of my sulk, suck up the courage and sneak out at night. Stealthily I would creep out my window and tip-toe around to the street. Once to the pavement I let my body do what was completely natural: I ran. Through dewy grass tickling my ankles, cutting the cold air in half, I ran beneath twinkling stars. A full mile and a half I ran away from the pain of home, straight to her arms, stopping only to dodge headlights. We would spend a few hushed hours cuddled together. She told me of all the things she was doing with her summer, all the things I spent my days picturing us doing together. I would tell her how I remained hers, how I fought every day for our relationship, despite what my family wanted from or believed about me. She too, remained devoted to me. After some time, I would make my reluctant good bye hugs and kisses and drag home exhausted and worried about getting caught. I would stumble through my window, replace the screen and sleep soundly for the few hours I had before my alarm blared another mundane day.

            When I finished my three weeks of work, my family headed out for a week of vacation. I was looking forward to the time on the beach, but not so much the time surrounded by family for seven days. It didn’t help that Kad was having her own problems with life and I couldn’t be there for her. Throughout the week I was able to let go a little and have some fun. My family and I would play games in the water and laugh at the ridiculousness of the children. However, every time I felt that things were improving, words like knives would fly out of my mother’s or sister’s mouth and stab me in the back once more. As I tried to fend off the emotional attacks, I worried constantly about Kad. Whenever I tried to text her, I would get weak responses, only a word or two at a time. I was unsure of how to help her without being with her, and I couldn’t find the words to make it better. The extra pain I felt for her rested on top of the wreckage continuously building in my heart. A week of tense, forced family time and I returned home more stressed from vacation than before.


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quotelvr101

posted January 20, 2011 at 5:39pm UTC tagged with inspirational

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