if you really knew me.. you'd know i tell other people amazing

if you really knew me..
you'd know i tell other people amazing advice yet i cant take my own. you'd know even though my boyfriend split up with me 8 months ago I'm still not over him. you'd know that when i simply think of him or catch the colors in his eyes for a split second my heart stops. you'd know that i cry myself to sleep 99% of the time cause i held it in and pretend to be happy for far to long. you'd know my family problems which i couldn't even start to write here cause i wouldn't stop. you'd know what I'm thinking right now and why i cant put it into words. you'd know how much i look up to my best friend because oh how strong she is. you'd know that i could continue this for hours and still have plenty to write. you'd know i have a group of friends of 21 yet i only trust 3 of them. you'd know how much i am truly in love with that guy. you'd know how many 11:11's and candles i waste wishing on him. You'd know how much my heart is thumping right now afraid he will find this and know its me. You'd know that i Facebook stalk him and if he talks to another girl how another piece of my heart falls apart. You'd know that i still constantly think if he could of gotten over me and a heartbeat it was meant to end cause it wasn't love, yet still 8 months later he catches my eye and for the 3 second hold i'm not sure whose eye caught whose and why he held it for so long. why he goes out of his way to avoid me like i don't even exist to him or never did yet he still has the guts to talk about me to other people and trys make friends with my friends?  If you really knew me you would understand how confused i am questioning why can't i just move on? why does my heart say love him but my brain say another? why is he the reason i cry myself to sleep yet  why i get up in the morning? Why do i still get nervous about what he will think before i do my actions? WHY do i still feel this way when i have so many reasons to hate him. If you really knew me you would discover that i have already written one of these and this is just an extension. If you really knew me you would know how much harder its getting to keep that smile on my face.


THESE ARE AMAZING TO VENT ONTO.
READ AND MAKE YOUR OWN IT REALLY HELPS.