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posted May 8, 2011 at 11:33pm UTC tagged with
inspirational
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I am still immersed in my thoughts of what happened after my visit to the psychiatric hospital. When we entered the acute care unit, one of the patients -called H- said, with sadness in his eyes mixed with willpower and hope: Why don't you enter, we are not crazy, we will not kill you. I did not look upon him or any of the patients with pity as my colleagues did. We talked with all the patients , some of them admitted that they were sick, and some of them denied. However, the young H said: I am mentally ill, not crazy, I used to suffer from schizophrenia and now I am bipolar, I was studying engineering, but I did not finish my studies because of the disease. We left the section he was in, he kept looking through the glass and his eyes tried to resist sadness with courage, but his eyes deceived him.
Yesterday
18.03.2023
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i'm sorry i can't provide comfort,
but it was always like that for me.
i don't want to pretend anymore,
like i don't deserve better.
it's not fair.
i can cry too.
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never been.
never was.
feeling empty just because,
you'll never accept all of me.
i tried to mother me for both of us.
the mum shaped hole is still here.
i can't parent myself, i'm too old for this.
my insecurities are words you have said.
my inner critic is also partly you and dad.
i'm sorry i'm moody. i thought i had forgiven you both.
especially these days it feels like a fresh wound.
forgive me, but i can't bring myself to smile.
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