~the way i feel~
i hate this, the way i feel. as if im nothing, as if it
doesn't make a difference whether im here or not. i
don't feel like there is one person that i can tell everything
because i cant be sure that there is one person who wont judge me
for anything at all. i have more secrets than ever before. i mostly
keep to myself and i don't like it. i don't like hiding the
way i feel from my friends, smiling and laughing when all i want to
do is scream and cry. i don't feel like i can trust them. i
feel so alone. my friends are just.... there. not helping, not
making things worse, not impacting my life at all... but just there
swaying in the background of my life. so many thoughts have crossed
my mind, of ways to numb the pain.. ive found that i cant
make it go away but i can make it decrease a little where it is
easier to bear. right now there is nothing i want more than a
friend i can talk to, tell EVERYTHING. i have a best friend and i
tell her, "everything"... there are just certain things
that im not sure if even she will dislike and
judge .