unfortunately, my grandfather passed a few months ago. here's

unfortunately, my grandfather passed a few months ago.

here's how i found out:
i was walking home one day from school and saw my aunts car. "why is she here? she lives 30 minutes away.." i walked up my walkway to see my aunt, father, and grandma walking in the opposite direction. they said hello and continued on their way. i walked into my house and asked my mom: "why were they here?" "you dont have and idea?" "nooo...." "poppy passed away this morning.i didnt want to tell you before because i didnt want to ruin your day." i was to in shock to say anything besides:"oh. okay." i texted my cousin. "do you know what happened?" "yeah. i feel terrible." "yeah me too." after i finished my homework. i replayed the moment in my head and instantly broke down. my mom came in and tried to comfort me. i still cried my eyes out. they started to sting and i felt like i was going to throw up. it was the worst feeling i had ever felt in my life.

the funeral:
i held my cousin brittany's hand and my cousin matt had his arm around me and britt. and my little sister held brittany's other hand and my cousin stephen was right behind me. my dad and my aunt held my grandma's hands and my mom and uncle were behind them. i saw my aunts and uncles and other grandparents on my mom's side and they waved and i simply nodded and went back to my cousin's arm. i felt warm tears fall from my eyes. we slid into the pue as the priest started to tell us about my grandfather, a navy veteran, former police sergeant, and beyond amazing person.i stared at the tan casket before me and cried.

the funeral dinner:
as family friends and family members came up to me and my cousins and said their "im sorry for your loss"'s and such things, i just stared at the wall with an occasional sniffle here and there. it sucked.

now lets fast forward a few days of crying my eyes out.....

my mom: "lexi, its okay. everythings going to be alright."
  she has said that everyday about a million times.
me: "you know what? THIS NEVER HAPPENED TO YOU! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL AND LOSING HER GRANDFATHER WHOM SHE SHARED SO MANY MEMORIES WITH! IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ALRIGHT! IM NOT GOING TO BE OKAY! YOU WILL NEVER GET HOW I FEEL SO JUST STOP SAYING THAT!"

she still never will.
but whatever.

srry guys i just needed to vennt...