Die For Me Prologue I held the cold, hunk of metal in my right

Die For Me
Prologue
I held the cold, hunk of metal in my right hand, gently stroking it with my thumb on my left hand. The muzzle stared at me, daring me to pull the trigger. The sleek design was taunting me, almost like it was whispering the words “Do it.” It was haunting. My feet and legs were numb as if they were agreeing with words and to stay put. To not chicken out. Tears slickly slid down my cheek leaving a trail in the dirt on my cheek. I pulled the gun up to my head wondering whether I would finally have the guts to do it. My hand throbbed in protest. It was still sore and red from the other day when I had stolen the gun. I had smashed a window with my bare fist. The only medical care was a piece of fabric I had ripped off of my t-shirt. It would have to do. I wasn’t going to turn up at a hospital and risk everything that I’d worked for. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy to be independent. Sure, I had to do things for myself before but this was different. This time I had no choice. Hissing, I put the gun down gently and held my hand to my chest. I felt pain rush through my body like a swimmer diving into the water on a hot summer’s day. I checked my phone; 3 missed calls but it didn’t matter anymore right? Nothing would matter if I was dead. The saying “It’s only over when you’re underground” ran through my mind. A hysterical laugh escaped my lips as I thought of how dying had always been my fear. The greatest nightmare but now it seemed to be my friend. My only friend. The one that stayed and was always there in the back of my mind I let go of the gun and let it slide across the room, not caring if it suddenly went off. I’d given up on dying – for now anyway. I reached into the pocket of my torn and grubby jacket to pull out my iPod. It was one of the things I’d kept when I’d suddenly decided to run. Music was my escape. I could never understand how people said they liked a certain genre of music. How is that possible? When I listen to music, the genre, the artist, the song all depend on how I feel. For me it wasn’t possible to only listen to one kind. I needed them all to feel whole. To feel like I finally fit in and that people finally understood who I was. Taking my time, I raised me headphones to my ears and clicked play – not caring what came on. Lullaby by Nickelback. I laughed at the coincidence as the song was about people giving up on there lives. I clicked next. Monster by Paramore. I leaned my head against the cold, grey wall and gasped as the cold shot through my cheek at the sudden touch. I closed my eyes as I began to feel the warmth in my eyes threatening to spill over. As I sat I silently replayed all the events, traumas and dramas that had happened over the last six months…  

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