Story Quote #5904333
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This is a new story I'm writing. Can I get some feedback?

This is a new story I'm writing. Can I get some feedback? :) I already wrote more, but this was getting sort of long.
Chapter 1~

I slid my suitcase out from underneath my bed and opened my bureau drawers to pack it.

My mom walked into the room with a glass of lemonade. She handed it to me and then sat down on my bed. “How’s it going honey?” she asked me, sipping her morning cup of coffee.
I rolled my eyes. “Remind me again why I have to go to dad’s house for the whole summer?” I asked her.
She shrugged. “I think you two should spend more time together. You haven’t seen him a lot since the divorce, and I hate separating you guys. It will be a nice change,” she explained.
I closed my drawer that my shorts were in and pulled open the one with my tank tops and T-shirts. “Yeah, but I don’t know anyone who lives in Los Angeles. All of my friends are here, and you’re pulling me away from them for an entire two months! Who am I supposed to hang out with in Los Angeles other than dad?”
“Oh, honey,” my mom started to say as she came down to the floor and rubbed my back. “I’m sure you’ll make tons of new friends.”
“I hope so,” I responded. Then I kept on packing my suitcase.

“Here we are,” my mom said, pulling our car into the parking lot of JFK airport. “I think the flight to Los Angeles is about six and a half hours from New York so LFI,” she told me.
I looked at her, confused, but she was too busy trying to find a parking space to look back at me. “What does LFI mean?” I asked her.
She smiled, but still didn’t look at me. “Limit Fluid Intake, LFI,” she said.
I rolled my eyes as she finally pulled into a parking space. “Mom, some people aren’t germaphobes like you and can use airplane bathrooms,” I told her.
“Okay, suit yourself,” she said.
We both unbuckled our seatbelts and then headed to the trunk to get my bags out. We pulled my suitcase and carryon bags out from the car and then started to walk to the elevator. The sun was beating down, already burning hot at only seven in the morning. The birds were chirping, but the sounds were constantly blurred out by the sound of the monorail bringing people from the parking lot to the terminals.
My mom and I stepped into the elevator and pushed the number two button.
“Hold the elevator!” we heard a man yell from the other side of the hallway.
I quickly moved my hand over to the doors so they wouldn’t close.
The man jogged over, his bag bumping at his hip. He got into the elevator and then turned around. “James, hurry up!” he called to someone, apparently named James.
The man turned to us. “Sorry, my son’s a little slow sometimes,” he told us. “Here he comes.”
I looked up to see shaggy black hair falling around crystal blue eyes. He smiled at me and stepped onto the elevator. I let go of the door and we started moving upwards.
James put in his left earphone that connected to his iPhone and started tapping his foot to the beat. His father’s blackberry started to ring. He brought it up to his ear and started to fight with someone on the other line.
Finally the elevator door opened and my mom and I stepped out first. We walked down the monorail platform, looking at the schedules to see when ours would be coming. “It looks like it should be here in around five minutes, so let’s go wait over there,” my mom said.
While we were standing there I started to smell the same scent that was in the elevator, the scent of Axe.
I pretended to look at the schedule so I had an excuse to turn around and as I turned back, I looked to my left and saw James standing there. He was still tapping his foot to his music.
Suddenly the monorail appeared and my mom was pulling me into a seat. There were people everywhere and it was extremely crammed in there. Every time we came to a stop, everybody nearly toppled over.
I started to see JetBlue planes and I was happy that we were close to JFK now. As we got closer to the platform, I started to notice that there were people surrounding me. I turned to my mom. “How the heck are we supposed to get off of here?” I asked her.
She smiled and shrugged. “Honey, we’re New Yorkers, we got this,” she said back.
The monorail stopped and I started to push through everyone. “Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me,” I said all the way out.
We finally reached the other side and started to walk down the long hallways to security and bag drop-off. My mom handled the tickets and the baggage and now it was finally time for me to say good-bye.
I wrapped my arms around her. “Bye Mom,” I said. “I love you.”
She rocked me side to side. “I love you too honey. Promise me you’ll call every day?” she asked.
“Yes, I promise,” I told her.
Then we parted and I walked over to security.

12 Comments

lizardlizzie98 1 decade ago
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I almost didnt read it, but then I had a change in heart, and guess what.. I LOVE IT!
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sparkle123 1 decade ago
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What is the title of the story?
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GabbyBaby 1 decade ago
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I Really Like It So Far
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SwagOnPoint 1 decade ago
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Notify me for the whole story?x
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TylerYoung88 1 decade ago
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This is really good so far!! Notify me when next chapter is written??
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its_okay_not_to_be_okay 1 decade ago
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I really like it. Can you notify me when you put up the next chapter?
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GreatestxFanxOfxYourxLife 1 decade ago
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this is really great hope you post later on !(: im also writing a story if you wanna check it out
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caoimhs289 1 decade ago
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Gr8!
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live_love_softball22 1 decade ago
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i liked it alot tell me when you put up the next chappters!
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13reasonswhy 1 decade ago
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I really like it. It reminds me of The Last Song, which is my favorite Nicholas Sparks novel :)
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Phoebe* 1 decade ago
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Notify me please ???(:
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_rachel_ 1 decade ago
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u should make a chapter 2. and can u tell me when u make it? please and thank you!:)
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23 Wittians like this

neoncolorsxxdont_deny_loves_freedomGreatestxFanxOfxYourxLifeTylerYoung88Phoebe*foreverlove18SilverStars1454GabbyBabyits_okay_not_to_be_okaylizardlizzie98TranquilityAnnamaria25_rachel_soccerloverx03xdance98765pinkfrosting321

x0be_minex0

posted June 23, 2012 at 4:55pm UTC tagged with story

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