Fallen In
Love♥
Chapter 1
~~~
"I'm going to miss you so much
Katie." A tear fell from Abbie's eye. There I was
with my parents. About to get into our car. "Me too." I
hugged her. "Make sure to call me when you arrive at
California." Her voice cracked. I slightly smiled,
"I'll call you everyday." We hugged once again and
I went into the car. We exchanged our goodbyes. I looked out of
the window. I waved at her. Goodbye Abbie. Goodbye Arizona. I
started to cry. I lived here since I was born. I lived here
for sixteen years. I started to feel really tired. I fell asleep.
It felt like it took forever to get there. We finally arrived at
our new home. It was a big house. I opened the trunk of the car
and got my luggage. I walked inside the house. I placed
my bags down on the floor. "Do you like it?" My
mom broke the scilence. "I guess." I mumbled.
"Follow me." My mom walked up the stairs. "This
will be your room." My dad pointed at a medium sized
bedroom. There was a huge closet. This room was much bigger
than my old one. I almost forgot. I took out my phone. I called
Abbie. "Hey Katie!" She shouted with excitment.
"Hi." I grinned. "Do you like your new
house?" She sighed. "I guess it's nice." I
admitted. It was getting dark. "I got to go eat dinner. Call
me tommorow." She hung up. I'm not looking forward to
tommorow. I go to
school.
~~~
Feedback would be appreciated. Let me know if you wanna be
notified :)
"I started to feel really tired. I fell asleep. It felt like it took forever to get there. We finally arrived at our new home." You could have changed that to, "I began to get very sleep and dozed off. It seemed that it took forever to get there, according to my family's impatient faces. But luckily, we arrived once I woke up."
See? Save all the typing, and maybe add more transitions and commas. Don't think that you can't link together 2 similar sentences.