Funny Quote #6389084
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Quote #6389084

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DangerDove

posted November 2, 2012 at 7:30pm UTC tagged with funny

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Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Monotone voices burbling on and on like a creek for hours on end, forcing you to look for the nearest sharp object or length of wire to end it all. Here's a way to change all of that... 1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5"x5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks. 2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block: synergy strategic fit core competencies best practice bottom line revisit take that off-line 24/7 out of the loop benchmark value-added proactive win-win think outside the box fast track result-driven empower knowledge base solution touch base mindset client focus paradigm game plan leverage 3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases. 4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!" Testimonials from satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players: "I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Jack W., Boston "My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." - David D., Florida "What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." - Bill R., New York City "The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben G., Denver "The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the third time in two hours." - Kathleen L., Atlanta
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why." My Mother taught me more LOGIC - "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST - "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished." My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?" My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!" My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until we get home." My Mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it when we get home!" My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD - "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job." My Mother taught me ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?" My mother taught me HUMOR - "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT - "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." My Mother taught me about GENETICS - "You're just like your father." My Mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Do you think you were born in a barn?" My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE - "When you get to be my age, you will understand." And my all time favorite... JUSTICE - "One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Quote #6389084

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DangerDove

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